Slowly but surely, the pictures are coming...

the park

the park has been a wonderful haven this summer. brittany and stefanie introduced it to me several months ago, and i have thoroughly enjoyed the occasional trip. there is nothing quite like green grass, blue skies, beautiful sunshine.... and either the company of a good book or a dear friend. still, i have to admit i infinitely perfer human company since it presents a slight buffer for me against the constant battle in my head of how well i'm handling koreans' reactions to me. for just a little bit, i can have a mental, emotional break in that arena. and even though i bet the koreans probably shake their heads and say, "those crazy americans sitting out there waiting for skin cancer," i have learned not to care anymore.

as i mentioned earlier, here was our saturday night dinner group: ambrose, his wife jackie, brittany, stefanie, and i. i am so thankful to jackie and ambrose for the reminder they gave me of the european way of thinking (if

i can be so bold as to lump them all together).

as you know, i moved to a new apartment a few weeks ago. i would love to share more pictures with you in this post, but i think blogger.com decides at random how many photos i can post. at this moment i must have reached my quota. so blessings from the Lord to you. and good night.

The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3,17

Yesterday was truly a blessed day. Not only did the Lord answer a big prayer, but He also spoke words of encouragement and promise which give me greater hope and faith to believe that indeed, the promises He spoke to me years ago are not forgotten. In fact, they are imminent and more powerful than ever! And I could not have anticipated the enormous amount of love and care extended from those here and back home. The calls, text messages, and emails were so dear. (It was my 23rd birthday.) I want to thank each one of you, but please give me time.

Saturday night Brittany and Stefanie treated me to a wonderful dinner in Seoul. We went to an Indian restaurant near Dongdaemun, and I met a wonderful couple from Brittany's church - Jackie and Ambrose. We had an awesome time together over dinner and then coffee. I hope to see Jackie and Ambrose again before they return to England. It was in conversation with them that I was reminded how deeply my love for the Europeans runs. How can I explain it, but that it is the love of God?

Sunday afternoon we went to a baseball game in the Olympic Park (the same place used for the 1988 Seoul Olympics). The weather has been absolutely beautiful... in a way that reminds me how much I am affected by the sunshine (or lack thereof). I've been basking in the sun and loving every moment of the clear, crisp air and bright blue skies!

And yesterday began with a workout at the Y and then french toast at Britt and Stef's place. They cooked breakfast for me!! And they had the greatest little gift basket with.. you'll never guess...!! A mug with the German flag. I nearly fell over. At work the teachers and students were so kind to me - cards, cakes, and lots of love. Of course some of the kids still drove me nuts occasionally. Haha. After work Britt and Stef came over for our Bible study. It was a truly blessed time, and the presence of the Lord came and filled the room in a wonderfully peaceful way.

I thank you for your prayers. Don't stop! There is much yet to be accomplished.

Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits; Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagles.

Psalm 103,1-5

kat, me, anna, sarah

mom and i

daddy and i!!!!!

my brother luke at my cousin katherine's dorm. both are starting college, luke at vmi and kat at washington & lee.

the LORD knows the days of the upright, and their inheritance shall be forever. they shall not be ashamed in the evil time, and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.

psalm 37,18-19

the steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way. though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the LORD upholds him with His hand.

psalm 37,23-24

dear dear christa and i

with my dear bonquisha.

the sacred nalgene bottle... deserving of an entire epic poem.

so those were some more pictures from my time spent in the shenandoah valley with bon and christa. it was a good time.

phew.. busy!

i have only a few minutes, but i wanted to resurface and let everyone know i'm doing alright. the move this past weekend went very smoothly. my new apartment was really dirty, but with lots of comet and scrubbing, it is shaping up nicely. when things are a little more settled, i will try and post some pictures. thanks to everyone for your concern and prayers.

i have been busy writing, giving, and grading tests. i must confess there are times when i have to remind myself that i can lead a horse to water, but i can't make it drink. in the same way, i can write up study questions, have class discussions, give chapter quizzes, and offer to answer any questions throughout the book and when they're taking the test... but when the students fail, it is NOT MY FAULT. that's hard for me to remember sometimes when i desire so much for my children to succeed.

every week stefanie, brittany and i are going through stomping out the darkness, but neil t. anderson and dave park... last night was our first study. pray that God's Spirit illuminates hearts and teaches us about Himself and ourselves in Him. we are striving for genuine progress and growth in our walks with Him.

in this time of discipline, i am hungry for Him and His Word.

the Scriptures the Lord has given me this week:

Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass. - Psalm 37,5

Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. - 1 Thessalonians 5, 16-18

For who has despised the day of small things? - Zechariah 4,10a

A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. - Proverbs 16,9

All your children (ahem, students) shall be taught by the LORD. And great shall be the peace of your children. In righteousness you shall be established. - Isaiah 54,13-14a

Readjustment

The trip home to America was too short for reverse culture shock to set in, or perhaps I didn't experience it in any measure worth mentioning. It was so wonderful to see you all! However, this is the first time I have returned to Korea... and I would be lying if I didn't admit to there being some small awkwardness in readjusting. It took me a good 3 days to get back into a normal sleeping schedule, and the first day of teaching was overwhelming. It was one of those days where I questioned my calling. You know... one of those days. And I have realized how much I must consciously look at those here in Korea with the eyes and heart of the Lord. Otherwise, I'm hopeless in cross-cultural relating.

In any case, the Lord was gracious to me and granted me the time at home to regroup, reconnect, and establish a course for the next 6 months I am here in Korea. I am just now starting to process all that happened while I was home, and to ask Him for even more direction once I finish this second contract. Now more than ever I have such a sense of how critical this period is in directing the course of my life.

I move apartments tomorrow morning, so I've been packing up and living out of my suitcases. Although I will dreadfully miss my current home, it will be nice to set up house and establish myself in a new place - a symbolic 'fresh start', if you will. Please pray for a smooth transition!

Also, I've been drinking in the Word of God, not just in reading but through my favorite Jesus movie - The Gospel According to Matthew - the movie that caused me to fall in love with Jesus back in high school. I missed it last year and so brought it back with me this time. I am reminded of how helpful it has been in my memorization of large chunks of the book of Matthew.... and how full of JOY Jesus must have been while He was on the earth.

And I'm wondering who I can share the movie with -- not just Brittany and Stefanie, but perhaps with some of my non-Christian coworkers, too. Oh, that they may know Him!

more pictures from home...

with my sister rebekah. ahh, i love her and i'm so proud of her!

look at this hambone.

oh, the drama

during my trip home i visited my friend bon and another dear friend christa (seen above) and we went hiking in the shenandoah national park. fun fun!

i have such talented friends. both bon and christa played for me... and i just sat in a chair and was lulled to sleep with their playing. ahhh....

and so we went hiking...

well.. this blog has decided that i can't post any more pictures. so i'll post more later.
started teaching again today. 4 classes. exhausted. kids wild and crazy. have no time to plan. Jesus, 6 more months? save me!

chloe hope

rebekah gave birth to chloe august 26, 2006 at 12 noon. she was 6 lbs. 14 oz. and 18 in. long.... and she is beautiful and perfect and sweet and healthy. and she's so liiiiiiiiitle!
the last few days i was in the states i went and spent time with rebekah, bryan and their growing little family. it was such a wonderful time to connect with micah and nathan, especially since these are such critical years in their growth. and of course to see rebekah and bryan as they adjust to being the parents of three children under the age of 4. it was truly a wonderful, peaceful time.

nathan, now 2, holding chloe. when i last saw nathan he was not even a year old, so i didn't know what his personality was quite like. well, in the last year he has definitely developed a sense of humor. this kid is funny.

micah (3) and nathan (2).... and micah, too, has really grown up in the past year. he's speaking in complete (and correct) sentences! and he has such a strong sense of the way something should be done. rebekah and i were marveling how birth order does really have an effect on the personalities of children. micah is going to be such a good older brother.

the holt family, august 2006

pics from home

i knew i was ready for a trip home when i was packed three days before my flight. and i was counting down the days like it was my job.

and then i packed to move apartments... only to find out that my new one wasn't available until 16.september. so i've been living out of my suitcases for a while. :)

and then there was my flight home. is it just me, or do those flights get longer every time? i'm telling you, anything longer than 8 or 9 hours is just criminal. i start to go crazy, while i dare say i saw a few people never budge an inch from their seats the entire 12 hours the plane was in flight. amazing.

so exhausted i was loopy, i met my mom and sarah and anna at the richmond airport in the exact same place- almost 12 months to the date since i saw them last. sarah's first words: gosh, ruth looks small.

of course i was in shock at how much the girls have grown - especially anna. and how ridiculously funny they are.

dear friends shannon, natalie, and stephanie came and visited and we were able to catch up on the major life changes from the past year. they consoled me as i grieved the change in american fashion, and over panera bread dinner we encouraged one another in the Lord.

the past week has been a wonderful whirlwind of events. every day i have been able to reconnect with someone (or many) whom i love. i praise God for the wonderful way He has sovereignly ordained the timing of my schedule.

it's hard to believe i'll be heading back to korea in 5 days.

tomorrow i am going to williamsburg for a retreat with college friends (the photo is of the crim dell bridge on the william & mary campus). may God truly prosper our time and meet with us. what awesome things happen when people meet together in faith and invite His Spirit. may He move and change and speak....

home sweet home

thursday afternoon (US time) i touched down in chicago, not knowing the local time. walking through the airport i asked a man in passing. 'scuse me, sir. do you have the time?'

without batting an eye, he looked down at his watch. "12:30," he said, smiled, and continued walking.

i continued walking with the most euphoric feeling in my stomach. he UNDERSTOOD what i said! and he smiled at me - a total stranger! that man - whoever he is - was a welcome reminder of why i love the united states of america.

the chicago airport had been shut down for 3 hours that morning, so all the flights were backed up. people had been waiting all day. thankfully, however, i was able to get on an earlier flight to richmond (that had been delayed), and so i arrived in richmond at about the same time as planned. sitting in the plane on the last leg of the journey i felt such a sense of the Lord's presence and protection. He has been so faithful to me!

since then i have seen family, a few college friends, and beloved faces from WEAG (my church). i have gone shopping a little. i love TARGET and Wal-Mart. saw a girl from my high school there... we chatted for a while. she's getting married next year and will probably settle down in richmond and start having a family. craziness! i've eaten chinese food and good ol' mexican food. i've gone to my gym and gotten on that old bike i used to ride. ahhh. i went for a run to my favorite gizbo at the park and just sat, listening to the water. i took my sisters sarah and anna to starbucks and saw a few familiar faces there.

my sister rebekah has finally had the little one. little chloe hope was born saturday, 26.august, 12:00 noon. everyone is doing well, and i'll see them next week. God is indeed good!

tonight i had dinner with my old youth group pastor, his wife, and two little (hilarious) children. it was soo soo good to spend time with them, and i confess the fact that they are back at WEAG is a draw for me. tomorrow i am meeting with my church's missions coordinator to discuss missions in the future.

every day holds so much, and i'm exhausted tonight. but i'm really happy to be home. i am also encouraged to maintain an attitude of praise (regardless of the circumstances i am in) and submission - where i truly will jump up at the sound of the Master's call and run to obey Him with joyful abandon. keep praying! may the Lord accomplish all He desires during the remaining time i'm in the states.

Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

he enables me to go on the heights.

habbakuk 3,17-19

Tonight as I walked back to my apartment, the streets of Suji were almost completely empty. All the clothes at the corner clothing shop had been taken inside, and the store was dark. Taxis continued to race down the main street, some stopping at the red light, some not. The crosswalk lights continued to blink red and then green, the arrows going down and down. And the yellow lights near the New York Hot Dog place were still blinking, though no traffic was coming.

I saw two men sitting on a bench right near that hot dog restaurant. They looked like they were relaxing, enjoying some music on an iPod and smoking. Seeing that I was a foreigner, one of them waved to me - as I continued walking - and asked me, "Eodi gyo? (Where are you going?)"

To which I replied, "Home."

I fly out of Seoul Thursday morning. Please pray for the Lord to help me get to the airport and make all my flights (Seoul-Tokyo-Chicago-Richmond), especially with the heightened flight security.

I praise Him that I have successfully completed the 1 year contract. May He bless the next 7 months with even more fruit. To Him be all the glory.

Always an Adventure...

On Saturday Laura and I met up at Ori station, as it would be our last time to spend together before we both leave for the States - I for vacation, and she for good. Over dolsot bi-bim-bap and dokk ramien in a traditional Korean restaurant, we reminisced about our experiences this past year and asked each other questions in preparation for the barrage of questions we will receive upon arriving back home. You know, those open-ended questions like, "So... how was Korea?" to which we both guffaw and chuckle, hem and haw over the endless possible ways we could answer. One comment Laura made, however, was blog-worthy. She said that in Korea every day is random. Something random happens every single day, and in some ways it has not become random anymore. Nothing surprises me anymore, and yet it always does. (And, I shall confess quite honestly, some days I handle the differences more valiantly than others. I have recognized my own sinfulness on several occasions as I see how ungracefully I have accepted the differences in culture here.)

After we had taken our conversation from the restaurant to a nearby coffee shop to continue, we noticed an older man (an ajjossi) stumbling around the street and finally passing out at the corner of an intersection, obviously drunk. It was a troubling reminder of the incredible drinking problem here in Korea amongst the Korean business community, as it is the result of attempting to cope with the incredible competition and stress that exists here. We stopped our conversation right then and prayed that the Lord would protect that man and get him safely home.

When Laura and I parted, I got on the bus to come home, and on the bus another ajjossi sitting further behind and adjacent to me started yelling. At first I dismissed the noise, but then I noticed he had gotten out of his seat and was gesturing to a group of young people. I could not tell if his anger was directed towards the whole group, but after 5 minutes of his ranting, I saw he was directing his venom towards one young man in particular. A few times it seemed as if it would go to blows, so there was obviously unrest and borderline mayhem. Despite the teenager's attempts to calm him, and the requests of other passengers and the bus driver, this ajjossi would not be placated. Finally, after the group of young people got off in Suji, he settled down a bit.

Then I noticed a businessman sitting in front of me, who had been turning around to watch the affair with sad eyes. He turned to me and said, "Where are you from?" I answered, "America," to which he kindly replied, "I have been to Portland." I then felt it was an opportunity to understand, so I asked him, "What just happened?" He said, "Older man was very angry, because young man not respectful.... I am very sorry about that."

I was again reminded of the ever-widening gap between the older and younger generation in Korea, the older generation still often steeped in Confucianist thinking, and the younger generation embracing the more western ways of thinking. What a clash there sometimes is!

family 2004

Ich kann nicht warten, bis ich meine Familie sehe. Es ist ein Jahr seitdem ich sie gesehen hab... und fuer mein Bruder Chris ist es laenger gewesen.. fast ein und ein halbes Jahr. wow!

Und meine Eltern.. ich habe sie lieb! Bis bald...

haha... so children are quiet, are they?! that's funny.

here's a journal i had to revise.

sometimes i feel like my life has been spent editing and revising. i should get paid big bucks to revise people's stuff. hmmmmm, now that's a thought.

another week in the life...

tomorrow is Korea's independence day, so there will be no school. in my classes today there was definitely a festive air, as if - on the first day of the week - it was a friday. how nice.

the little ones are learning plural endings (-s, -es, -ies, as well as those frustrating exceptions) and this/these. i also taught them my all-time favorite song "deep and wide". i am realizing that the first time i teach my students a song, they are rarely enthusiastic. sometimes they are just downright obstinate and refuse to sing or do anything. only later when we sing it again do they get all excited. SO STRANGE! hannah and anthony were driving me nuts because they just sat in their seats like nincompoops, while david and jake were enthusiastically mimicking my gestures and eating up every minute of it. ~sigh~ how do i draw anthony out? and settle brett down? and encourage david not to stress out?

my prep class took a vocab quiz today. angela got a 95A. you have no idea what an accomplishment this is! after being in my class for over 4 months she still seems to have trouble remembering to turn in a typed journal entry every monday. this consistent memory lapse amazes... nay, utterly confounds me, but there are yet moments where i glimpse the twinkling light at the end of the distant tunnel. today held one of those moments.

my step 3 class ate up my 14 year-old-teenage-american-ditsy-girl-impersonation last week. i had every single one of them rolling with every hair flip and shake of my hips and "like" ... oh friends, it was a classic moment in my ESL teaching career. it was amidst our discussion for listening in the "At the Mall" unit.

this class has a vocab quiz every 3 chapters, so we usually prepare beforehand with a rousing rendition of Around-the-World, where i give the english definition and two children compete to say the vocabulary word the fastest. the winner goes on to compete with the next student.. and it continues around the room. i was the MASTER in my high school german class, so i have loved transfering the passion. i am pleased to say that tonight we had rousing cheers, jason attempting to use his korean "i'm older than you by however many or few days, weeks, months or years and therefore you must listen to me" intimidation tactics (which i thoroughly enjoyed quickly nipping in the bud), intense competition, shouting and uproarous laughter. it was a riot.

in other news...

i have been busy lately. wednesday laura and andy came over for some pizza and laughs, and laura and i were pleased to introduce andy to the princess bride. i genuinely feel he will never be the same again, as everyone is who has had the privilege to be acquainted with such quality entertainment. then laura spent the night.

on saturday emily introduced me to a very well-known spicy chicken joint in gangnam (dowtown seoul). i am assuming it's famous, because when i told my students the name, they nodded enthusiastically and got really animated. it's good enough to go again... and again... ^^

stefanie has been sweltering at her apartment since her AC randomly decided to start blowing air of questionable temperature, so she crashed at my place saturday night. she's been working 12 hour days with brittany back home. she's been such a trooper, but please pray for her!

sunday brought church, where i am thoroughly enjoying being a greeter at the front door, and a trip to yongsan with stefanie to visit the national museum of korea. susan joined us later her at my place for a beginning to the long-winded pride and prejudice, and she ended up staying the night. we talked until probably 4,30 in the morning. (as she said... that's what happens when you get to talkers in the same room!)

Happy Birthday Mutti!

9 days.

i have to move. bummer! some problem with the building. (didn't quite understand mrs. kim's explanation, but the reality remains).

12 days!!!!

but who's counting?

a little Westley and E.M. Bounds for you

Do you have those seasons where your prayer list seems never - ending, and the people / concerns on your heart seem overwhelming? I'm not fainting under the weight quite yet, but there are those needs that remain forefront in my mind and heart.

Just yesterday I was reading in my awesome E.M Bounds Classic Collection on Prayer (Yes, I recommend it). The devotion was on 'Prayer and Promises' and I wanted to share just the beginning with you.

You need not utterly despair even if those who for the present "turn and rend you."1 For if all your arguments and persuasives fail, there is yet another remedy left, and one that is frequently found effectual, when no other method avails. This is prayer. Therefore, whatsoever you desire or want, either for others or for your own soul, "Ask, and it shall be given you."2 (John Westley)

Without the promise, prayer is eccentric and baseless. Without prayer, the promise is dim, voiceless, shadowy, and impersonal. The promise makes prayer dauntless and irresistible. The apostle Peter said that God has given to us "exceeding great and precious promises."3 "Precious" and "exceeding great" promises they are, and for this very cause we are to "add to our faith,"4 and supply virtue. It is the addition that makes the promises current and beneficial to us. It is prayer that makes the promises mighty, precious, and practical. The apostle Paul did not hesitate to declare that God's grace so richly promised was made operative and efficient by prayer. "You also are helping together by prayer for us."5

1 Matthew 7,6

2 Mattiew 7,7

3 2 Peter 1,4

4 2 Peter 1,5

5 2 Corinthians 1,11

baby shower back home

nothing like a glowing mother-to-be! my sister rebekah is so beautitfuland so are my sisters - sarah and anna

18 days

a little R&R, $1 bananas and mail-delivered groceries

in a life of grace there are those days where we enjoy the grace of the Lord, and then there are those days where we endure life by that same grace. i heard that on a CD i listened to this weekend. last week was an "enduring" week which i almost didn't survive. on sunday emily said i was stressed to the max and exhausted. i realized that it must be so, by the terrible attitude i had and the dreadful complaints coming out of my mouth. as my mom would say, i woke up on the wrong side of the bed... every day last week. i should not have been in anyone's company in that foul mood. but with 5 days vacation under my belt i am beginning to feel slightly human again and more able to brush aside the cultural differences. the knowledge of going home in 3 weeks hasn't helped, i confess.

a good portion of that recovery time was spent in seoul with daniel and emily. we had a picnic lunch in the mountains and went hiking. we watched cars, and emily and i exchanged back massages and talked late into the night. romania is always part of the conversation. we went to the doctors for me to get some medicine to kick this upper respiratory infection. good friends take you to the doctor when you're sick, i have decided. b/c, i mean, who wants to go to the doctor's just for the fun of it? we went to this cool place called T-Space in seoul, which was a coffee / art place. AMAZING. looking at the artwork, drinking the most glorious cappuccino, listening to the ecclectic music, and browsing through fashion magazines (a strange combo, i know) and laughing at models' funny outfits with emily did wonders for my bruised spirit. i also attribute it to laura listening to me bawl over the phone for a good hour and pray for me. and then she lent me that sermon on CD that i mentioned earlier, in which some guy (aussie? british? couldn't tell which) reminded me that God is GOOD. He's good. He's GOOD. all the time. everywhere. in all circumstances, He is GOOD... He can't be anything other than GOOD because that's His nature. and He never changes. He's always the same. and He's calling us to the desert places to woo us and love on us and show us His nature like He could never show in the places of abundance. i think i listened to the 20 minute message about 4 times sunday night, and i'll probably listen to it 4 times more. as laura said, "even though you feel like you've learned this lesson a million times already and you feel like you're backtracking, this is what it's all about. it's FAITH. this is our struggle." to trust the Lord's heart and His goodness, even when the grace seems to have stopped flowing.

and then there was my trip to lotte mart yesterday. for those of you who have a car, you just run outside, turn the key into the ignition and run up to the store to grab groceries. no problem, eh? well, like it or not, my trips to lotte mart are a little more involved. the store is just 10 minutes away - walking - but i have to factor in carrying those bags back... or sucking it up and paying w650 for the bus. and i still have to carry them from the bus stop to my apartment. not only that, but there is the constant knot in the pit of my stomach while shopping, knowing if i need help more than likely NO ONE will understand me. but yesterday God decided to bless me with evidences of His grace and kindness, which i know i never can or will deserve. these are gifts... good things from the Lord's hand that i will never be able to merit. i am finding greater and greater freedom in that knowledge.

unlike back in the states, where you just bag your fruit/veggies and the cashiers up front price them, here we have full-time fruit and veggie pricers who weigh the food and put price stickers on it. well, i seem to have acquired an admiring fruit pricer who is bold enough to speak english with me. he's so great! shy but direct... so yesterday he walked up beside me and said, "ahh. not see you long time!" he then proceeded to show me all the good deals and tell me if i buy this or that, he will give me a discount. five minutes later, i had a bag of about 12 bananas for the price of a $1 and a bag of tangerines for half price (w1800).

humbled, i paid for my groceries and left... i did opt for the bus, since it was sweltering hot.

and then as i'm walking back to my apartment laden with my 2 bags, i see the mailman on his moped. now this mailman has delivered letters and packages to my apartment over the past year, so he knows my face and my address. i often see him driving around delivering mail as i'm walking to work, and we always share a huge smile. he's one of the few koreans who smiles at me and we have this wonderful connection that is totally wordless. so yesterday he stops beside me as i'm walking home from the store and gestures for me to put my bags in his mail bag/box behind him. he then proceeds to speed on to my apartment (as i jog behind...) and leaves my groceries at my door.

the kindness of everyone towards me recently has reminded me of the wonderful position weakness can be. living in korea and operating alone requires constant strength, but i have been reminded lately that only when i am operating in my own strength do i run out of power. and when i'm exhausted and frustrated and feeling defeat like never before, the Lord comes up beside me and takes me hiking, listens to me bawl for an hour, sits with me as i drink my cappuccino, offers me $1 bananas, and carries my groceries home.