Again?

I can't believe I'm writing this, but I have laryngitis again. In fact, it's been two weeks now, and as anyone who has known me well knows that there is no time limit to this struggle. The only thing is... it's been 4 years. I thought I beat this!

I woke up one morning two weeks ago with a slight sore throat and post-nasal drip. I have no idea where it came from, but I guess it doesn't really matter. It could have been allergies (though I don't have allergies), or as I've come to believe, it could just be stress.

What I find interesting this 'go-round' is that I am not anxious about it. I am - for the most part - at peace with the situation. I guess I have finally realized that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I am trusting the Lord to heal me completely in His own good time. 

To those of you who are new to my blog, this isn't the first time I’ve struggled with laryngitis. I actually have quite the history with it, starting when I lost my voice for 3 weeks in 10th grade. Then in college for 10 weeks. In Korea I lost it twice - each time for a significant period of time. Here’s an account from my blog 5 years ago… The following posts chronicle (one of) my struggles with laryngitis when I was in Korea.

it's spring...

the minor prophets

still resting

where is may going?

...waiting on God...

a decision reached

I am thankful that - regardless of how long I lose my voice - God uses each time to draw me to Himself, show me areas that I need to work on, and remind me of my incredible need to depend on Him and set clear boundaries for myself. Boundaries - one of my favorite books! :)

I am also thankful because now I know why I lose my voice so often. The simple reason really is stress. The longer explanations of my health discoveries can be found here and here (blog postings from 2010 and 2011, as I've learned more about my health the past few years). I must say that knowing the cause of this makes it so much less stressful enduring the unknown 'how long?' question.   

Please pray for me, though! I still have to work, and life marches on.

A Trip to Virginia

A week after celebrating Jody's graduation from Denver Seminary, Jody and I packed up a suitcase, a duffel bag and my carry-on (Eu-mi!) for a two week trip to Virginia to spend time with my family. The end of 2011 marked over three (3!) years since Jody had been to Virginia and seen the majority of my side of the family. I have been to Virginia every year at some point (usually at Thanksgiving), but I always went alone because of Jody's school and workload. I did not realize until this trip how divided I have felt without him. He really has become my family.

The flights (a flight to Atlanta, and then one to Richmond) were uneventful, and Eu-mi was fantastic. She whimpered a little when we first arrived at the Denver airport, and she was stuffed inside her crate. Poor thing. So many smells and sounds. But she was a rockstar, and all three of us arrived in Richmond, safe and sound. Thank you, Sherpa Pet Carrier. And thank you to everyone who prayed for her!

During the course of our visit, we saw my whole family. My parents. My siblings. Their spouses. Their significant others. Nieces and nephews. Pets. It was a madhouse! And yet, there were times of quiet, as well. We talked late into the night and got up late. We went on errands together. We ate dinner and sat around the table. Then we'd go into the 'New Room' (that is actually 10 years old, but will always be called the New Room) and continue the conversation near the fire. It was wonderful, and I pray it will not be so long until we can return.

Here are just a few glimpses from our time at home...

With my sister-in-law and friend, Courtney!

Sarah and her boyfriend, Justin

Sisters!

My football studmuffin brother, Daniel

The Holts' new puppy, Charlotte!

The husbands, boyfriends of Clementson girls + Chris

With the kiddos. Love them!

Jane finally started to warm up to Uncle Jody!

With Charlotte, the new puppy in the Holt household!

Clementson girls + Rebekah

Quality Christmas time with Chloe!

Anna and her boyfriend, Nate

What I learned from spending two weeks back in my childhood home... 

1. My family is big.
2. My family is loud.
3. How did I forget?! You must be the first to take a shower in the morning, because if you are #6 or #7 in line, there certainly isn't any hot water left. 
4. Jody brings a lot of laughter to my family... and he blends right in and makes himself at home. So thankful for a husband that can handle the in-laws with grace, gentleness and humor!
5. Everybody is growing up. Each individual is not the same person he/she was when we were little. Shocker, I know. 
6. Living in Virginia and being a Broncos fan means you have to use First Row to get your Broncos games when they're not aired on TV.
7. I'm an introvert. I love my family... but I also love my alone time. 
8. Virginia humidity ♥ my skin. The wrinkles disappear with each passing day!
9. Eu-mi needs her blanket and a soft, warm place to sleep wherever she goes.
10. There's a reason I do that... and that... and that. Yep, all that 'family of origin' stuff makes sense in a whole new way!

kickboxing and zumba

some days i just don't want to go to the gym. i mean, i love the gym. i love working out. it is actually what keeps me sane when life is so stressful. i love how i feel after a good run. i love lifting weights and feeling that burn. of course, i love the mountains and beautiful weather more..... but what do you do when it's 20° and icy/snowy outside?

i have discovered kickboxing! now, the last time i was in a class for this was a one-time deal in college. it was an hour long and it totally kicked my butt. i walked out of the gym completely doubting my cardio abilities and thoroughly embarrassed with my inability to keep up with the instructor. well, fast-forward six or seven years. i was living in our last apartment, and there were two problems: there was constantly snow and ice on the ground (black ice: dangerous for ruth), and our apartment gym was closed for renovations for several months. what was i going to do?! well, i decided to just look online for some videos. i discovered kickboxing... and so decided to try it. i cleared my living room, told eu-mi to stay away or i might send her flying. 30 minutes later, i was huffing and puffing and thoroughly energized! i loved it!

then, this past week our church started an 8 week zumba class on sunday nights. i decided to try it out. lots of fun! now, it's not quite the work out that kickboxing is, and i make allowances for my complete incompetence when it comes to dance moves. (i have decided that i simply have two left feet.) nonetheless, it is a stress reliever and it's fun just to move around to some fun music! :) at the end of the class, i'll have to let you know what i feel about zumba, though... and if my feet have gotten a little smarter about dancing. heh heh.

honestly, though, i'm getting antsy to get back up in the mountains. just last night jody and i were looking at liners for our sleeping bags and water purifiers for that "fresh-and-clean" mountain water. can't wait to start stuffing things in our packs and to head to some undisclosed location where the only thing i have to worry about is where i am going to get water and what ground is level enough to stick our tent. such stresses sound marvelous right about now!

if you know of any good spots for backpackers, let me know. we're going to start a list of places we want to get to this year.

.rest.

a few weeks ago, jody and i were feeling the need for a bit of pampering, so jody signed us up for a big treat: an hour-long back massage at a thai massage place in downtown suji!!!! it was the most wonderful place, and we both thoroughly enjoyed our massages, especially since it was our first time. the ladies did some crazy stuff to us, too, like pulling our heads, and using heated stones in rubbing our backs. they even kinda walked up the bottoms of our feet and backs of our legs. it was pretty amazing. it made me want to do it, too! ha.

the style of the place was definitely asian with a thai flavor. lots of buddha idols. it made me very sad to think that buddhism is so much a part of thailand's culture, but i realized i really know nothing about it. i'm really looking forward to going to thailand after jody and i complete our contracts here in korea. it will be very interesting to see a different asian country and to compare the ways they operate.

in other .rest. news, jody and i are super excited, because we have vacation time coming up! jody has been really working to improve relations at his workplace, and after asking for clarity concerning vacation-time, they have finally given him time off. he will have ten (10!) days off, starting this coming weekend. i will have six (6!) days off, starting next wednesday. SO.... we are going for a short trip! we are going to jeju island, which is just south of the korean peninsula. it is part of korea, but just prettier and nicer than busy seoul. jody and i are really looking forward to going, renting some scooters, and just enjoying a break from school, students, grading and the normal schedule.

i am stressed out.

and when i'm stressed out, my shoulders and back get tight. like today i was talking to esther, and i realized that my shoulders hurt. she was asking me, "so how are you?"

"stressed." lol


but i've also been laughing. that's how i release the tension. so now i'm at work... and Ujin (our wonderful secretary) told me that one of my students quit. one of my best students. and i was so beyond caring that i just threw my hands up in the air and said, "i don't care!" and laughed.


and mrs. kim said, "that's okay. her mom was bothering me anyway." LOL


i love my boss.


pray for me. i feel like i'm about to lose it.

a little stressed... but as mr. justice used to say:

shake it off, come back strong

i love how the Lord doesn't let me get too confident or comfortable in any situation. always, always He reminds me how very much i need Him.

and He also helps me not to take anything too seriously.

so tuesday night after work i was setting my computer up before britt and stef came over for bible study... and the computer began to do really weird things - make loud whirring noises, starting and restarting randomly, and scrolling down a list of files. it was totally shot.

stef recommended taking the battery out and letting it rest for the night. i did that, but the next morning it was still all messed up. so i asked jody for help. he asked if i had a cd that could reformat the computer in case of just this situation.... and so it came to that. i had to completely revamp the computer and start all over. i lost everything, tests, quizzes, pictures... yep. everything. i decided to look on it as a cleansing process. breathe deeply.

no tests for the kids, then. there was great jubilation amongst them all, of course. :) and i have a little more time to get my stuff back in order.

the Lord is good.

9:42pm

so i just found out from mrs. kim that our school is not doing a winter program. Hallelujah.. halle - hallelujah! LOL.

however, a few new students have joined my classes for the month of vacation, so i may have to divide the classes by ability... we'll see how it all pans out. anyway, i'm SO thankful that mrs. kim didn't succumb to the societal pressure to have a winter program just so that our hogwan looks like we're a happenin' place.

10:00 am

the other night on the subway with lauren i began thinking aloud... why is it that some people face struggles and they overcome, while others crumble? part of it could be the nature of the struggle itself. or is it the character of the individual?

the reason for these thoughts is twofold. my freshman year of college i took my first ESL course, during which i was required to research ESL in a certain country and prepare a 10 week sample lesson plan. i chose south korea. since ESL is a new field, one of the few places to find resources is on the web, but when i began looking i found perfect horror stories from teachers who came to korea. i did my research, prepared my lesson plans and presented my tri-fold board to my professor, but i had pretty much made up my mind that i would never teach ESL in south korea. LOL. you have to admit, the Lord does have a sense of humor.

since coming here, however, i have seen a mixed bag of experiences. some love it, some have very nebulous feelings and aren't sure if they want to stay longer, and still others (a fair number, actually) don't even make it through their 12 month contract. why is that?

and the other part (remember, i had two reasons.) was when i saw the Lion, the witch, and the wardrobe on new year's eve. i thought a lot about the children's individual attitudes and the way they responded to the repercussions of their father at war as a reflection of their personal character. lucy had that wonderful childlike faith, but edmond was sullen and chose to take offense at everything. in comparing that to korea, it would be very easy for a westerner to look down on korean ways of life. even to be sullen at being bound to this culture while living and working here under contract. and while i understand completely some of the cultural challenges being difficult, i do not want to have the edmond-like character qualities in facing those differences.

so all these thoughts were in my head as i went to church yesterday morning. pastor bob spoke from joshua 1.

5"No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you. 6"Be strong and courageous, for you shall give this people possession of the land which I swore to their fathers to give them. 7"Only be strong and very courageous; be careful to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you go. 8"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. 9"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

i am reminded to take heart and be strong and courageous here in korea. to take heart and to spend more time meditating on the Word. i love the conditionality of God's promises. (ok, so it's a slight digression, but bear with me: God is incredibly logical. if you repent, I will forgive you. if you read my Word and do what it says, I will bless your life. incredibly logical. i love it! everything makes such sense!!) anyway, pastor bob also spoke on numbers 13, which narrates the story of the 12 spies who reported to moses and the people of israel on what they'd seen in the land "flowing with mild and honey." only joshua and caleb spoke with courage: we can overcome these people! the other ten did not believe.... and so did not see the Promised Land. only joshua and caleb lived to see their people subdue the land and live there.

may i not be like the other ten, who did not have faith, but to be like joshua and caleb (whose name, btw, means "bold")... please pray for me to have eyes and a heart of faith while i am here in korea, that i would grow in all the ways the Lord desires and that i would have an overcoming spirit. and please pray that my times with the Lord would be incredibly rich with His presence and His Spirit.

thank you!!!

today i start back at teaching. bummer. LOL.

Merry Christmas!!!

this precious little one is danny, in my second class.
right now it's late friday night... and i feel like i've been run over by a mack truck. several times. i did not know it was possible for the muscles in my back and neck to be so tight ... and this even after esther spent a few minutes after dinner tonight working on some knots.

i must confess this past week has been an incredibly stressful week for me. perhaps one of the most stressful weeks since i've been here in korea. mrs. kim was busy hiring and training two new teachers (part-time i think), especially in preparation for the rush of winter students who attend hogwans during their winter vacation. and since i am the sole foreign teacher at this school, my class is a huge magnet for parents and their children students. i feel a good deal of pressure to perform well - especially on the days we celebrate holidays. i had to buy all the decorations for the school, as well as goodies for my classes' Christmas parties. today we didn't do any "work" ... just eat lots of unhealthy food and have fun. :) who ever knew having fun could be so exhausting?

here are danny and amy, from my first class. their mothers are friends, and they attend another school together. both these children are at the top of their respective classes, but i must honestly say that i am often heartbroken at various displays of pride and self-entitlement. they are precious children... i just think too many people tell them they are smart. the less than godly part of me wants to give them a lesson in failure. but oh dear, that will never do! if i would ask for prayer, it would actually be more for their mothers, who are too competitve for their child's progress. mrs. kim and i are of like mind: it is more important to us that the children are emotionally healthy and they know we love them. once that is accomplished, learning english will be fun and come far more naturally. 

i did not want to neglect to update you on little andy, who was causing me such grief only a few weeks ago. mrs. kim and i had decided on an ultimatim: if he did not show much progress on an emotional level by monday (two weeks ago now), she would refund his mother and he would be free to leave without much loss. monday last week he showed up to class and was a perfect angel. mrs. kim and i shook our heads in amazement. "what happened?!" since then andy has become one of my most endearing students, racing into my classroom with an excited voice full of anticipation "hello, miss ruth!!!" a few times since then i have seen that lower lip start to quiver, but he has stiffened himself and held those crocodile tears in with amazing self-control. now he is writing complex sentences and using fairly difficult english words CORRECTLY in those sentences. not only that, but andy's MOTHER is no longer hovering. in fact, i rarely see her now, and mrs. kim says that apart from her initial concern about andy's emotional abilities in my classroom she has voiced no complaints. praise God!!!!! this really is a situation the Lord has completely redeemed for His glory, and i know that no one else can receive any accolades for it. still, i do want to thank all of you who prayed for this little bump in the road. 




so last night after work i went to bundang to crash at dave and winnie's place with laura. she was picking up a 5:30 bus for incheon airport to head back to the states for christmas. i arrived at their doorstep feeling slightly less than 100%... (i forgot to mention that i had my first big emotional breakdown the other night, on top of consistently feeling sick no matter how much sleep or good food i get.) we prayed for each other and sang a few christmas carols... then promptly fell asleep. 

today was basically parties... the mothers really chipped in, which took a huge load off of me. we had 2 cakes!! and with mrs. kim and i buying snacks we were loaded with the goods to keep these kids happy. :) many of my children gave me the cutest and most hilarious cards... i think i will keep them forever. and the parents (especially of the kids in my 2nd class) are so supportive of me. over the past 4 months they have begun to see how much i love their children, and how much their english abilities have improved. i am thankful for their encouragement, at least... because sometimes i wonder if these children (or their parents) know how much i love them. they could never guess how much i care for them. how much i pray for them how much i pour myself out for them.... of course there are definitely moments of great achievement, like tonight when i read sehwan's christmas card (signed "your ridiculous student sehwan") .... ahhhhh, he's learned the most important word in the english language. yesssssss! i could die happy!!! or when phil writes "Merry Christmas Miss Ruth! I liked your class very much (seriously)." LOOOOL. or when john hands me a bottle of starbucks mocha frappuccino. yay! so these kids DO listen to me in class.. hehehe

during my last class a really exciting thing happened. i was just going to show The Princess Bride to my students, but when the students from the other classes saw all the food we had in our classroom they began trickling into my class... and in the end most of them stayed to watch the movie and pig out on the food. it made for a delightful night.

mrs. kim seemed thoroughly pleased with how the kids responded to the "movie night" in my class, and she seemed most intent that it be repeated more often in the future. in hindsight, i think this must be what it's like to "birth" something into existence. but let me explain. for the past few weeks now i have been incredibly burdened with a dissatis-faction for the way many koreans do not know how to rest. while some people are taking winter vacation, korean hogwans offer special programs for english improvement on top of the normal schedule, which leaves the teachers like me working an insane number of hours and the poor kids never have any time just to be kids and play. so i was stressed all week long, but when i saw how the kids really seemed to let loose tonight and have a great time eating and talking and watching the movie.. and seeing how well mrs. kim and the other teachers responded to the whole situation, just maybe i can help encourage mrs. kim as she develops ERC's approach to english-learning here in suji. i pray that coming to ERC will not be a burden for these children, pushing them to an unhealthy extreme like most Korean hogwans. 

all week long i have been listening to Christmas carols (America's 25 Most Popular Christmas Carols - sent from home!), and the words from some of them pierce my heart and bring me to my knees.

O Holy Night
O Holy Night
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees,
O hear the angels' voices!
O night divine,
O night when Christ was born
O night divine,
O night divine,
O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming,
Here came the wise men from Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our Friend!
He knows our need; to our weakness is no stranger.

Behold your King; before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King; before Him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His Gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His Name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy Name!

Christ is the Lord!
O praise His name forever!
His power and glory evermore proclaim!
His power and glory evermore proclaim!

what a wonderful, magnificent God i serve! that He who is the Creator of the world did not cling so tightly to His throne, but took on human flesh... became that baby in the manger.... that He might die for my sins and i might know Him, have a deep relationship with Him, and full assurance of eternity spent with Him.
merry christmas, my dear friends...