Homemade Laundry Detergent

Since discovering that I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis, I have attempted to make gradual adjustments to my diet and lifestyle. One goal of mine is to move more and more to natural home products. Or at least home-made ones that can cut costs and don't require a midnight run to the grocery store.

About a month ago I happened upon a friend's blog post about homemade laundry detergent, and I decided to print out her recipe. Jody bought the ingredients, and we made our first batch.

The verdict: It works!

If you are interested in trying it yourself, here's Kelly's blog posting: @ kellycain.com : Homemade Liquid Laundry Detergent!

Observations, a month in:

1. The ingredients are right next to each other on the cleaning aisle in Walmart. Easy to find. Maybe $7.50 for all three.
2. Easy to make. Very easy.
3. The detergent does separate, so it takes a good stir before using.
4. The consistency depends on room/outside temperature. As it's gotten warmer outside, I've noticed the consistency of the detergent thins and pours more easily.
5. It seems to get the job done. No fragrance or perfume to irritate skin, but it gets the dirt out of our clothes, linens, etc. I'm a happy woman!

My next goals: homemade soap and deodorant.

A goal

Now that Jody has finished seminary, we are loving the freedom and flexibility that one less commitment brings to our schedule. For Jo, it means that he's not always reading, writing and stressing about the next deadline. And for me, it means that Jo is mentally, emotionally and physically more available to help me. Ha! It's a beautiful thing. 

But there was a bit of a tragedy to being out of seminary, as well. We lost our discount to the gym at Arapahoe Community College just down the street from Denver Seminary. As a seminary student (and family), there is a significant discount available; without it we would not have been able to afford a gym membership really anywhere in the area. I am so thankful we had the ACC discount and I was able to stay sane - especially during the cold winter months when the sun goes behind the mountains at 4:30, as I'm driving home and have had no time to burn off some calories (and stress). 

So a few months post-seminary went by, and I decided I was going crazy without gym access. I began to hunt, and lo and behold, I found Ballys. We had actually visited it when we were originally looking for a gym, and I think it was about $30/month per person at the time. Standard pricing, perhaps, but more than we could handle on a seminary budget. Well, this go-round I found the pricing to be awesome: $17.99 for one person and $12.99 for any 'add-on'. For Jo and me it would come to $31/month. Woop! We signed up immediately. And I'm loving it. It's 5 minutes away from home; the hours are totally flexible; and there's always a machine available. 

I am so thankful. My goal is to get back in post-college shape before Sarah's wedding. That's four months. I can do it!

And as I begin this process, I am realizing how strong I must be in saying 'no' to food I truly don't need. Especially because I love food. I love buying new and fun foods. I love making food. Cooking. Baking. And I love eating. Ha! I know it's probably not the most lady-like thing to say, but it's true. Yet, I am realizing how little I really do need to function well on a daily basis. And it feels strangely good to say, "no" to myself and to food that I truly don't need and that won't help me in the long run. I am reminded once again of Paul's words in Corinthians:

But I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.   - 1 Corinthians 9:27 (NASB)

The Message says it slightly differently, but I like the wording:

I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition. I'm not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself.

It reminds me that my body is subject to my spirit and not the other way around. So, here's to some self-denial, hopefully yielding the fruit of self-control in my life. 

You'll see the fruit of my endeavors come September 29th. Thanks for the motivation your wedding provides, Sarah! :)

Again?

I can't believe I'm writing this, but I have laryngitis again. In fact, it's been two weeks now, and as anyone who has known me well knows that there is no time limit to this struggle. The only thing is... it's been 4 years. I thought I beat this!

I woke up one morning two weeks ago with a slight sore throat and post-nasal drip. I have no idea where it came from, but I guess it doesn't really matter. It could have been allergies (though I don't have allergies), or as I've come to believe, it could just be stress.

What I find interesting this 'go-round' is that I am not anxious about it. I am - for the most part - at peace with the situation. I guess I have finally realized that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I am trusting the Lord to heal me completely in His own good time. 

To those of you who are new to my blog, this isn't the first time I’ve struggled with laryngitis. I actually have quite the history with it, starting when I lost my voice for 3 weeks in 10th grade. Then in college for 10 weeks. In Korea I lost it twice - each time for a significant period of time. Here’s an account from my blog 5 years ago… The following posts chronicle (one of) my struggles with laryngitis when I was in Korea.

it's spring...

the minor prophets

still resting

where is may going?

...waiting on God...

a decision reached

I am thankful that - regardless of how long I lose my voice - God uses each time to draw me to Himself, show me areas that I need to work on, and remind me of my incredible need to depend on Him and set clear boundaries for myself. Boundaries - one of my favorite books! :)

I am also thankful because now I know why I lose my voice so often. The simple reason really is stress. The longer explanations of my health discoveries can be found here and here (blog postings from 2010 and 2011, as I've learned more about my health the past few years). I must say that knowing the cause of this makes it so much less stressful enduring the unknown 'how long?' question.   

Please pray for me, though! I still have to work, and life marches on.

Gluten-Free Deals and Coupons

Going gluten-free can be expensive. If you need to stock up, here's a link to check out.

Gluten-Free Deals and Coupons 

~ Money Saving Mom, a blog that focusing on frugal living

Phlebotomy

phle·bot·o·my/fləˈbätəmē/ Noun: The surgical opening or puncture of a vein in order to withdraw blood or introduce a fluid, or (historically) as part of the procedure..

Have you ever had trouble getting blood drawn? If you haven't, I can assure you, it is a very traumatic experience. So this past Monday was a typical day for me. A little on the chilly side, so I had some decaf coffee in the morning to get me warm (I am doing my best to avoid caffeine). I knew that I was going to get my blood drawn after work, though, so I still tried to drink extra water that day. 

So I arrive at the lab, and they take me back. As always, I warn them that my veins are hard to find. I don't know that they believe me... So first, the gentleman ties the tourniquet and makes an attempt to draw from my right arm. He tells me to pump my fists. To relax. To move my arm just right. Now he's jimmying the needle inside my arm, trying to find the elusive vein that he swore he'd felt. Oh. my. goodness. Pain.

Feeling a little uneasy about me, he calls for the Top Dog on duty. Oh, it's the lady I recognize! Good. She can surely do it. She cheerfully hands me a roll of gauze tape to squeeze and says, "We'll get it - no problem! Relax." Ok, right. Relax. 

She decides to try the left arm. Oh, she feels the vein immediately! Good. Relief. She pops that needle in with a confident smile, and after a little fiddling that I feel but don't have the emotional strength to actually look at, I hear her say, "Hmm, now where did that vein go? I know I felt it." Holy mackerel. Pain.

Finally, I gather the strength to look. There's a smidgen of blood. But not much. 

Is it over already?

Nope. Breathe, Ruth. Breathe.

Finally, she says to me with a shake of her head, "This arm is a no-go. Hmm, let's see what else we can find." She holds my arms, and I allow them to flop in front of her. The top side. The soft, tender side.

"Aha," she says. "We'll try this one," pointing to a shadow of a vein I see on the soft, tender underside of my forearm. Ok, lady. She hands me a warmer, and I place it on my arm for a few minutes. All the while I'm flexing my arm like crazy. Third time's the charm, right?

Finally, she sticks me in that soft, tender spot. Man, that hurts a lot more than the crux of the arm. Trying not to be bothered by the feel of the needle searching inside my arm for that vein she knew she had, I concentrate on breathing and focus intently on the elderly man in front of me who is also getting his blood drawn. I look at his arms and hands. There are veins all over him. He's easy pickins. Why, Lord? The injustice!

I hear the lady sigh. She says, 'Ruth, I don't think we're going to be able to do it today." She takes the needle out, covers the spot with a cotton ball and tapes it on my arm. 

Come back another day, she says. When I'm not so cold. When I'm more hydrated. 

What? I've never not been a successful phlebotomy patient. I'm a failure!

So upset, the next day I do some research online. I type in, "how to make getting blood drawn easier."

The responses were:

• Be water-logged. Hold the potty break until after you've gotten blood drawn. Just. Hold. It. You can't afford to lose the extra liquid.
• Don't drink caffeine. It constricts your veins.
• Be warm. Wear a hoody. Lots of layers. Run around the parking lot beforehand.
• Lift weights. It will permanently make you a person with bulging veins.
• Sorry, you're just out of luck.

I'm slightly scarred.

Rejoicing

I am finally feeling better.

So let me explain. Last May I discovered that my thyroid levels were a bit high. In the initial test I discovered that my TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) was a 12.6. To be sure that the test wasn't a fluke, my doctor ordered the test a month later, and my level was 13.2. So my doctor consulted with an endocrinologist, and they determined that I have what is called Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Hashimoto's is an autoimmune disease and a type of hypothyroidism (which is a condition where the body does not produce enough thyroid hormone).

Just a few of the symptoms of Hashimoto's include:

• Fatigue
• Weight gain
• Decreased appetitie
• Cold intolerance
• Coarse, dry & thinning hair
• Constipation
• Irregular cycles
• Infertility
• Puffy face
• Enlarged thyroid (goiter)
• Hoarseness of voice (LARYNGITIS)

.... and the list could go on.... It's really unbelievable. Who knew how much a messed up thyroid could affect your normal daily life?

When my doctor called me to tell me that I had Hashimoto's, I was definitely dismayed. There is nothing worse than being smacked with a label. However, I could not deny the test results. Also, as I 'took stock' of my health history (and the fact that 3 of my 4 grandparents are hypothyroid), I could see how several of those symptoms had displayed themselves and the diagnosis might be right. So, what to do? My doctor told me that I needed to start taking a little pill first thing every morning. He prescribed levothyroxine (LEE-VO-thy-roxine), which is the generic brand of Synthroid, and is a synthetic medication that replaces the thyroid hormone that my body fails to produce. So I began taking it, and within a few months, my levels had come down to a normal level.

Now, what is a normal level? Well, doctors debate about what is considered 'normal' for most hormones, it seems. Most doctors will say that the normal range for the TSH is 0.5 - 5.5. Some endocrinologists will say it is a much smaller range: 0.3 - 3.0. Since my husband and I are on a Kaiser plan, their current normal range is 0.320 - 5.500.

So, after taking the lowest dosage of medication for several months, my TSH levels came down to a very respectable 3.3. I was technically within the normal range.

The only problem was... the symptoms of hypothyroidism remained. So I decided to take the next step and talk with an endocrinologist. What he told me was quite shocking to hear. The optimal level for the TSH is .5 - 1.5.... or really .5 - 1.0. That was so surprising to me. How many other people must be like me? Within the normal range but still dealing with the symptoms of a hormone imbalance.

The endocrinologist I met with was a fantastic doctor. He upped my dosage, and I am so thrilled to say: I am finally feeling better. I have more energy and I can tell my body is starting to function as it was meant to. Six weeks ago my TSH came back at 2.5, and I go in again for more bloodwork in two weeks. I don't know what my new number is, but I can tell already by how I feel that the medication is finally working, and I am where I need to be.

I am so thankful for this experience, and I feel like I can sum up a few things that I've learned.

1. My OB/GYN diagnosed me with PCOS based upon a few of the symptoms. Since tackling the thyroid issues, the PCOS-related symptoms are gone. I don't believe the PCOS diagnosis is correct. I have learned not to swallow hook-line-and-sinker what a doctor/nurse says. They're people, too, and they make mistakes.
2. Be your own advocate. The healthcare system as it is currently is not really designed to serve the patient. Strange? Yes. Ironic? To be sure. But true, nonetheless. If you want something done, you have to fight for it. So don't play the victim. Grieve, but don't stay there. Move on and fight for yourself as much as you can handle physically, mentally, emotionally (and financially!).
3. Listen to your body. I began to be a student of my body. I began to watch what it was doing. Checking how I was feeling. I am amazed by how much I have learned by just paying attention.
4. Study! Do lots of research. Read everything you can. Ask lots of people about their own stories. Be shameless in asking questions and find out what they have done. That wealth of knowledge makes you that much better of an advocate for yourself.
5. Do not neglect the spiritual component of the physical struggle. It is more important to cultivate a healthy heart - one that is surrendered to the Lord and His plans and purposes for you - than to achieve any results you may be looking for. The Lord knows that we are but dust. But this is a whole different post for another day. :)
6. One step at a time. Right now I don't like that I'm taking a synthetic pill, but I just recognize that the goal for right now is to get my thyroid at a stable level. Once I'm there, I will look into replacing the synthetic medication for a more natural one. Baby steps. I can't get impatient with my body. Healing takes time, and I cannot have unrealistic goals for myself or I will set myself up for continual disappointment.

God has been good. I am so thankful for all I've learned, and I've still so much more to learn. But I just wanted to take a moment and publicly praise the Lord for healing my body!

Going Gluten-Free

It's all the rage these days. Everywhere you go, people reference their diet preferences. One label after another. Organic. Vegetarian. Sugar free. Allergy free (nuts, seafood). Vegan. Lactose free (or dairy free). And now, we've got gluten-free that's begun to "go mainstream"... almost. And for this, I am extremely grateful, because in the past month or so I have made the decision to 'experiment' with going gluten-free. Why in the world would I do that, you ask? Well, here's what I have discovered....

It was almost a year ago that I discovered I had something called Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, which (according to Wikipedia) is is an autoimmune disease in which the thyroid gland is gradually destroyed by a variety of cell and antibody mediated immune processes. Basically, my body turns on itself and attacks the thyroid gland. When it goes undiagnosed for a long period of time, which is often the case, it leads to hypothyroidism and a myriad of health problems. Hypothyroidism is treated relatively easily, usually with hormone replacement therapy (HRT) such as levothyroxine (brand name: Synthroid) or Armour. It is a simple treatment; usually in the form of a pill one must take every day for the rest of one's life. But this solution does seem largely to be a band-aid of sorts, rather than dealing with the root cause. 

So a couple of months ago I was talking with a friend of mine who also has Hashimoto's, and she was telling me that she had decided to switch to a gluten-free diet. I thought she was crazy! But she began to tell me how after switching to gluten-free, her doctor had to reduce her thyroid medications. She also told me that her aunt, a nutritionist, had told her that everyone who has Hashimoto's should get off gluten - period. That got my brain going. I began to do a lot of reading. And that is when I discovered that, apparently, there is a strong connection between gluten intolerance and autoimmune diseases. 

To the best of my understanding, the problem lies in that the body is actually allergic (or hyper-sensitive and unable to digest) gluten, but mistakes the thyroid for it and thus attacks the thyroid instead. A great article by The Healthy Skeptic (thehealthyskeptic.org) says it best here:

What explains the connection? It’s a case of mistaken identity. The molecular structure of gliadin, the protein portion of gluten, closely resembles that of the thyroid gland. When gliadin breaches the protective barrier of the gut, and enters the bloodstream, the immune system tags it for destruction. These antibodies to gliadin also cause the body to attack thyroid tissue. This means if you have [auto-immune thyroid disease (AITD)] and you eat foods containing gluten, your immune system will attack your thyroid.
Even worse, the immune response to gluten can last up to 6 months each time you eat it. This explains why it is critical to eliminate gluten completely from your diet if you have AITD. There’s no “80/20″ rule when it comes to gluten. Being “mostly” gluten-free isn’t going to cut it. If you’re gluten intolerant, you have to be 100% gluten-free to prevent immune destruction of your thyroid.- July 18, 2010 'The gluten-thyroid connection'

 As I continued to read, I found evidence right and left that this diet shift - no matter how drastic - was  at least worth experimenting, even if it was for months. So I decided to give it a 'go. I emailed my doctor to let him know of this diet change, and he seemed eager to find out the results himself. I go in for blood tests next month (April), then mid-May, then again in August to see if the diet shift has made an impact at all on my thyroid levels. So, until then, the jury's out... and I'm busy scanning ingredient lists like you wouldn't believe.

What I've noticed thus far going gluten-free is:

1. Gluten is in a lot of food - mostly processed foods. It takes a lot of discipline to 'go gluten-free'.
2. Eating out is tough. You don't have as much control over what's put in your food when someone else prepares it.
3. A gluten-free diet can be more expensive... but it's probably not half as bad as it used to be.
4. I do miss good bread. And my chocolate-chip cookies. Snif.
5. It's a good thing I like rice! Now I'm adjusting to brown rice... and it's not all that bad.

Deeply Rooted... and Letting Go...

As I step outside of myself and look at this season in my life, I can see that God is up to something... something big... inside of me.

When Jody and I left Korea two years ago, we launched out in faith, trusting that God had something big for us. We left our jobs, breaking our contracts at our English schools, sending boxes to Virginia and boxes to Texas, telling everyone that Jody was going to Denver Seminary. He hadn't even applied yet!! We said good-bye to our wonderful friends in Korea. We lived with my family in Virginia for 2 months, cleaning out my grandmother's home and catching up with the Clementson family. Then we flew to Texas, where we spent time with the Been family, helped the Andrews' family move and waited for the spring semester to start.

We truly had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. If we had, I'm sure we probably wouldn't have launched out into the unknown. Seminary and life in Colorado has definitely been a journey. It has taken us to three different "homes", drained our hefty bank account of everything (and then some), forced us to our knees, challenged our marriage and forced us to pay more attention to our health than we have ever before.

Jody has physically gotten hurt in the past two years than ever before. First it was his knee, then it was his shoulder, then his finger. Recently it has been his ribs. Why? I have absolutely no idea.

I have also had a myriad of health issues. One has been the discovery of hypothyroidism. Apparently it is something Grandma Etta had, as well as something both Grammy and Grandy struggle with. So, it's genetic. But beyond that, I discovered the type of hypothyroidism that I struggle with is called 'Hashimoto's thyroiditis'. What the heck is that, you ask? Well, it basically means my immune system has turned on my thyroid gland and - not recognizing it - attacks. What is the real kicker is this: since the thyroid is under attack, it is inflamed. Well, there's this nerve called the laryngeal nerve that is wrapped around the thyroid gland, and when the thyroid is inflamed, it pinches that nerve... thus causing chronic laryngitis. Let me tell you, when I found this out, there was much rejoicing. Now I know why I have struggled with this issue for so long. God is truly good. In the midst of the struggle, God is good. I have also discovered that my hormones are all out of whack, which - for a woman - is a VERY big issue. :) It has launched me on a journey of discovery about myself, my body and my faith in God.

Through it all, I feel like the Lord is working in me in the area of control. I think I have a problem with it. I don't like not having control of my life. I have always been a hard worker, and I think I always thought that if I work hard enough, do everything just right, A plus B will always equal C. But it's not always working out that way.

And so, I'm having to let go. I'm having to trust that God is good. I'm having to praise Him and let go and trust that His love is more than enough to sustain me no matter what. It is in times like these that Jesus Culture's song 'Your Love Never Fails' is especially true. I hope it leads you to the throne room like it does for me.

Your Love Never Fails

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good

update and news to come....

much has been happening in the been home. just wanted to give you a brief summary and further pictures are to come!

• GOOD NEWS: very little dizziness these days. i think the doctor found out what was wrong, and i'm doing much better. thank you for your prayers!
  
• BAD NEWS (or is it good news, too? i don't know anymore): i have laryngitis again. yes. since thursday (26. june), my voice has disappeared. a possible reason could be the drainage caused by the the medicine the ENT used to break up the stone in my left ear. or another reason could just be that my body needs rest. anyway, i'm feeling alright, despite the congestion, and my boss and i are peaceful about the situation. God is on the throne, and He's seen me through these situations before.
  
• i will be doing work on Little House on the Prairie in the meantime, at home.
  
• jody turned 28 last wednesday! pictures of the surprise birthday party are to come... and, oh, i got him an iPod, and i think he's loving it. thanks to stefanie and john for contributing to his music/movie collection!!
  
• 5 months left in korea. but who's counting?!
  
• we are continuing to pursue denver seminary for jody, possibly applying to start in the next summer session ('09). prayers for confirmation would be appreciated!
  
• at SEI jody has moved from primarily teaching 4-5 speaking classes a day to only teaching a class or two a day and doing a lot more curriculum work - preparing lesson plans for the speaking classes. a korean - canadian young man named DJ started working with jody a while ago to help share the load. and yet another kyopo (a korean who grew up elsewhere) is supposed to start teaching at SEI today, as well. there still remains a good deal of haziness in communication, however. they tell jody very little, so much remains to be seen.
  
• though taking a break for the past few weeks, jody and i have been meeting with brad & belle on wednesday to study a book / workbook called Infectious Inheritance, which addresses sharing our faith. it's been good. i'm anxious to return to the states, where its material applies a little more!
  
  
• COMING... jody's bungee jump and birthday pics...

we love and miss you! stay in touch!

 My health...

I just wanted to let everyone know how the doctor's visit went today. Jody and I returned to the ear doctor this morning, and he said he had discovered a stone in my ear. Upon doing some research on webMD, we are learning that it is a somewhat common occurrence. We are greatly relieved and hope this will stop the dizzy spells. I have 5 days medication, and I'll return on Monday for a follow-up.

Go to http://www.webmd.com and type in BPPV - benign paroxysmal positional vertigo - for further information. Phew. Glad to have a name for it.

Love to you all. Thanks for your prayers. 

(from our trip to europe in september.)

wednesday musings

i am tired right now. my eyes are heavy and my thoughts slow. it's 8:40pm wednesday night, and honestly... i have done little today. after talking it over with jody, i finally called mrs. kim and asked for the day off from work.

for the past six months or so i have been having dizzy spells. some situations i have learned to be wary of. for example, when i am in the shower and it gets too hot and there is not enough oxygen. i need to keep the shower curtain partially open and i make sure the bathroom door is always open.

and then there are the times i sit or stand up too quickly. sometimes i just lose my balance. other times i begin to black out. usually jody is close enough he can catch me. but i have also learned to try to get in the lowest position as gently as possible.

i went to the doctor last week. after taking a blood sample, he said i do not have anemia and my liver functioning is normal. apparently my blood pressure is low, and i just need to drink a lot of water. i confess i was both relieved and disappointed with the news; relieved that 'nothing' was wrong, but disappointed that there was nothing more concrete to blame these blackouts and dizzy spells on.

this morning, however, it began happening again. i was off-balance for no reason. my vision became blurry if i moved more quickly than normal. everything was off-focus. it felt so weird!

so i have stayed home today and done pretty much nothing. jody asked me not to get in one of my cleaning frenzies.... because i do have a tendency to get carried away. i promised him i would not clean. instead i have slept and emailed and prayed and read the news and looked at pictures... and watched the second half of my fair lady. i love that movie. and after this i will spend some more time with the Lord. it is nice to have a day off, i admit. still, i wish i did not feel so strange.

i do not know what is wrong. perhaps it is nothing. but i confess i am a little concerned. please pray for me. if it is nothing, i just want to learn how to deal with this in a way that does not affect the normal flow of life. otherwise, i really would like to know what is causing it.

i love this picture. yep, jody is still up to his old tricks. :)

a decision reached

this afternoon mrs. kim and i went to ajou university hospital in suwon for a voice test. a kind nurse walked me through various voice exercises (with excellent english, by the way) and said i laughed a lot. she asked if she was funny. i said, 'no. it's just these tests are funny.' which they are.

in the end, the doctor put a question before me. he said that the inflammation previously seen in my throat/larynx is lessening, but as of now they don't see any serious problem. if i wished, i could remain in korea for further medication and speech therapy.

i have spent much time alone in the past 6 weeks and yesterday i felt that i needed to go home irregardless of what the doctor said today. so that's what i told him. i told him i needed to go home. so i am.

mrs. kim is looking for flights right now. it will probably be the week of may 28th. already i am mentally going through what i will take with me, keep here or just throw away. thankfully, i haven't accumulated much in korea, and much of what i have has the temporal feel. it keeps me from getting too attached to it all.

honestly, i feel that going home is the right thing to do, but i have mixed feelings about it all. being home will make some things easier, but other things more complicated.

right now i am thinking about what graham cooke says on the character of God. 'you cannot find your security in what God is doing. you can only find security in who God is. He never changes, but He's always unpredictable.' His character is constant and unchanging, but He's always up to something good and often doesn't clue us in on it until we need to... He keeps us on our toes!

so i remind myself of His character... He is GOOD. He's good. He's good. and He never changes.

this I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.
the LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.
they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
"the LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore i have hope in Him."
the LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.
it is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD.
lamentations 3,21-26

where is may going?

the first week in may is already finished. i'm in mild shock. how time passes.

so thursday night i met with my boss and expressed to her my concern about my voice and the effect its' absence is having on ERC as a business. mrs. kim was amazing, and said that every morning as she prays for me and what to do, there is complete peace in her heart about me. she said the Lord has totally filled her heart with rest and she's not concerned at all.

(this is a miracle.)

also, the parents of my students have not called in two weeks. she said that if they had been calling (i.e. pestering), then she would have been more stressed out and seeking some solution. as it is, their absence makes this waiting period so much more bearable.

(knowing korean parents, this is also a miracle!)

i go to the hospital for a voice test on may 14th. mrs. kim said she is content to wait until after that to find some solution, whether it's to hire a temporary replacement... to send me home early... whatever. i encouraged her to make the best decision for the school and not to worry about me. i am content to abide by her decision. she said she feels very strongly that the Lord has some plan for me and for her through this situation, and that we just need more time to wait for God to make a good solution clear to us both.

thank you for your prayers. after talking with mrs. kim i feel a lot more peaceful about where i am - whether it's to stay here or to go home a little early. personally, i'd love to get wedding planning done sooner, but i don't want to be apart from jody. either way, i know the Lord is going to make His way clear to us both.

in other news, jody and i hung out with the teachers at his school last night and this afternoon. last night was pizza night (and taboo) at katie and lindy's apartment. quite a group assembled, and i met a lot of new faces. it was great! then, today a bunch of us went into itaewon to my favorite mexican restaurant to celebrate cinco de mayo. afterwards jody and i hung out with chris and alex, his coworkers. it was great to finally meet this couple, who met and married in taiwon. they arrived in korea 4 months ago. anyway, i am excited to finally meet them and hang out. hopefully it will happen more often now.

okay... it's late and i should hop in the shower. morning and church comes very early! love to you all. write soon.

still resting...
it has been almost a month since i lost my voice, and i am glad to say it is getting better... however slowly. to those who are praying for me, i want to thank you. i am finally feeling more peace about the situation and i know the Lord will heal me when He decides this season is complete. after wracking my brain for every possible reason why and what i can do to get better, i am finally resting my heart. God knows and He's in control. i have been able to do a lot that i would never have been able to do if i had been working - like making dinner in time when jody gets off work. it's so much fun... and with a little oven our cooking possibilities are endless!! :) this picture was of our taco dinner. YUM!


i finished reading in the presence of my enemies, by gracia burnham - the bestselling book about the american missionaries who were kidnapped by the abu sayyaf (a terrorist group associated with bin laden) in 2001-02. the book is excellent and i recommend it. one of my friends here in korea - john - is gracia burnham's nephew. small world, huh? thinking of how they spent that year in the jungles just trying to stay alive, i am humbled and reminded that i am called first to love Jesus and trust that He's in control.

weather: MUCH WARMER! spring has arrived - truly. and jody gave me these beautiful tulips. :) i love tulips.


brittany sent a care package.... and it has a HOODIE, a shirt, chocolate, hand sanitizer, and - get this - a bridal magazine. LOOOOOOOOOOL. i had to laugh- can't avoid the bridezilla mentality halfway around the world. still, i am so happy and so thankful for brittany's kindness. thank you, my friend!

and i just wanted to post the following picture because it's HILARIOUS. our friends john and sarah captured this picture one sunday at church. this is how korean babies respond to us. LITERALLY. we are like monsters to them. it's pretty depressing. poor jody. i console him with the knowledge that it's not just him- it seems to be all white people.

/in that day you shall not be shamed for any of your deeds
in which you transgress against Me;

for then I will take away from your midst

those who rejoice in your pride,

and you shall no longer be haughty
in My holy mountain.
I will leave in your midst
a meek and humble people,

and they shall trust in the name of the LORD.\ zephaniah 3,11-12

i am reading in the minor prophets these days... habakkuk, zephaniah, malachi... and i marvel at the deep work God is doing in my heart.

i have a lot of free time these days. a lot of time to think. a lot of time to pray. a lot more time than i had ever imagined. in case you did not know, i lost my voice on the 3rd, and it hasn't come back fully yet. i have not taught a full day of classes since monday april 2nd. this is the longest break i've had ever. and i'm learning a lot about rest. about trusting God. about fully surrendering myself to His sovereignty and knowing that He is on the throne.

at first, mrs. kim cautioned rest, and we tried to get korean teachers to cover my classes. a week passed. i went to the doctor three or four times, as they only prescribe medicine for a few days and ask you to return soon. then he recommended i go to an ENT nearby. the ENT specialist took pictures of my throat and vocal cords. thankfully, nothing was wrong. he recommended voice rest and said i should recover in a few days. if not, to return to him. i did, and still nothing wrong showed up. so then i was referred to the university hospital in suwon. mrs. kim took me yesterday morning. i had explained to mrs. kim the history i'd had with laryngitis, so she relayed that to the doctor. the possibility of it all being due to stress is entirely possible, the doctor said.

meanwhile, mrs. kim seems to have come to a place of peace about the whole situation. we have talked and prayed about the place we're in, and we are trusting God to provide the solution. my classes are on temporary hold (until may 7 - after the middle schoolers finish their huge exams). i have 3 weeks of meds, and if my voice does not return, i will return to the hospital for a voice exam next month.

so what am i doing? i'm reading... sleeping... cleaning the apartment... making dinner so when jo finishes work, we can sit down to a nice meal.... i think i'm starting to settle down and have time to process these big decisions we are making.

please pray that the Lord will accomplish whatever He chooses through this time and that He will bring healing in the right time. i am often thinking how i can position myself best to be moved by His hand. it is a good place to be, and i'm trying to make the most of this quiet time. and may He bring healing soon!

/now i want to honor the man i'm marrying- jody been. when i think about timing, i think how i have been preparing a long time to serve God overseas. the Lord has been working on me, grinding away at weak points. i have long adjusted to the idea of being away from america. and i had a whole year to adjust to korean culture (i.e. nearly die of loneliness and frustration about every conceivable difference between cultures) before i met jo when i returned for my second stint here. he, however, has only been in korea 8 months. and he met me only 7 weeks after arriving. the first few months he said he'd sworn off females (i chuckled inside) and that he would date a girl at least a year before considering marriage (i remember thinking, 'oh boy!')... but this man from texas, who takes his time in coming to a decision, proposed in a few months. what happened?! and with every week i see him growing into such a godly man. i praise the Lord for him. i want to honor jody for being willing to obey the Lord and step out in faith and to marry someone as ridiculous as i am.\


i guess we both are.... being ridiculous. the koreans have an obsession with making the heart with their arms. it's a love of all things 'cute'.

easter morning at church

i don't know what we're doing....

ahhh.. the crowning glory. let it settle in..... jody and i received compliments galore from koreans (and they were serious, too) on our amazing outfits.

thank you. thank you. i think we out-koreaned the koreans.
::contented sigh::

/

it's spring....

so now it's warm... sort of.

with yellow dust coming from china and gusts of wind that blow your face off, we are finally entering spring here in korea. there are flowers blooming, however scraggly. and the sun is starting to shine for longer periods during the day. there is still reason to hope, i encourage my heart!

however, i have had a little bit of a rough week. monday i started feeling itchy, tired eyes - a sure sign of oncoming sickness. tuesday morning i woke without my voice. slept a lot, piddled. wednesday was the trip to my friendly doctor, who said i have an upper respiratory infection and prescribed 4 pills and one liquid medicine. in korea you have to take at least 4 pills to be getting healthier. no less is acceptable, i've decided. more sleep. more rest. chugging tea and water like nobody's business. last night jody bought a humidifier.

awesomeness.

my room now feels like a sauna. how cool is that? where is vicks?!?!

and as of now (thursday evening) my voice has yet to return full-force. i went in and tried to teach my first class today... mrs. kim sent me home. i'll go back to teach my 3rd, and then i'm done for today. i feel like such a slacker, but i don't know what else i can do. without my voice i'm really quite useless.

i know that the Lord has some purpose in everything. the fact that He allows things like laryngitis to be in my life shows that He is doing something. please pray for healing and that i can learn what He wants me to learn through it.

"Therefore I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me." Micah 7,7

^.^ the simple life in korea ^.^

i hear from brittany, adjusting to the busy life back in the states, that she misses the simplicity of life here in korea. and it is true. the life of an english teacher in korea is not a complicated one. i do not have much in the way of possessions outside of my apartment, and i don't really care for much. i have my students and coworkers, a very small network of western friends through church or around town, and jo. and yet it has been enough. i am thankful.

right now i am trying to get over a little laryngitis. i woke up friday morning without a voice, so today i am trying to rest. i slept a lot, and now i'm taking a breather in the middle of writing up prince caspian study questions and vocabulary. it's actually really wonderful. i have been stressed out with all the changes going on. i have lost so many of my students that it has been really hard to teach at all, and it's a challenge not to get discouraged.

for those who have kept up with me and my schedule, i wanted to give you a head's up. i am renewing my contract for another few months - until the end of july. i will be back in virginia for the month of august (except for a week or so, when i visit texas). then it looks like something big will be happening around the end of that month....


yeah.

and then if all can be planned correctly, jody and i would like to go backpacking in europe for a few weeks before returning to korea to teach for another year. the details are still in the works and i think i stop every 10 minutes to breathe deeply about all the ridiculous changes that are happening, but overall we both feel a great sense of peace about this big decision in our lives.

your prayers are still appreciated, however! and i cannot wait to see you all when i get back in a few months. it's crazy to think that i'll be back in va after another whole year....

may the Lord lead and may He receive all the glory. we are doing our best to follow Him and to move in step with Him. love you all. write soon.

"Holy, holy, holy,
the Lord God the Almighty,
who was and is and is to come." - Revelation 4,8b

Thank you to everyone who prayed for me to get better. The tonsilitis was quite a shock to my system, but I am thankful that it came at a time when I was able to rest, and I am doing so much better! The past week is the big holiday time for Koreans, Chuseok - Thanksgiving - so with the holiday time already given, I only needed to ask for Monday as a sick-day.

There is a shortage of English reading material here in Korea, and so today I was reading a novel that I had bought for a few dollars in Seoul. In reading it, I could not help but marveling at the wonderful life that is found in Jesus Christ... and I have found it. I realized my heart was weeping for those who do not know what life - TRUE LIFE - is, but instead those whose lives are bound by selfishness, darkness, and pain. In one ugly word, sin.

I cannot help but remember the parable Jesus spoke of the man who found the treasure in a field, and after hiding it went and sold everything and bought that field. Is not a relationship with our Father in heaven, purchased so sacrificially through His Son at Calvary, worth such a price - all that I have or am? And, the paradox that comes in giving up my rights! To repenting of my hypocrisy and selfishness and pride... to trading it in for a heart that is soft in the Potter's hands. To be used of Him. To be loved of Him. To be known and treasured by Him. To spend eternity worshiping at His feet.

As I live in Korea, I see it is the first "mission field" to which God called me, though it is not where I would have picked or even imagined. But no matter where He has me, I see the Lord calling me back daily to His feet, to remind me that He is my treasure, He is my lifesource. And the invitation I gave Him to be Lord of my life invited His Presence into my life in a way that makes me different.... not because I'm great, but because He is in me.

where i'll be hanging out...

yesterday i came down with something, and i'm not faring well at the moment. swollen tonsils have caused a fever, body aches, and the sweats... please pray for me, dear ones.
tonight i went to a Korean thanksgiving dinner for internationals at GEM - global english ministry - and everyone was so kind. a doctor was present and he took me to his home to get some medicine. he and his wife ministered to me. God is indeed good.
depending on how i feel i may/may not go to work tomorrow, but thankfully tuesday-sunday is free because of chuseok (thanksgiving). praise the Lord!

eye has not seen, nor ear heard,

nor have entered into the hearts of men

the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.

- 1 corinthians 1,9

i've gotten a cold somewhere... somehow, and it's left me without a voice - again. please pray that the Lord heals it quickly. after church today pastor bob and his wife anna prayed for me. (i am so thankful for a pastor who believes in and invites the power and presence of God's Spirit. there are a shortage of men who walk in the authority and anointing of God, and i do not take his prayer of faith lightly!)

thea has spent the weekend with me, and it's been such a wonderful comfort just to have a friend nearby. as always, our conversations are a delightful flow of german and english - back and forth. one sentence or word in one language and then, switch. lol. when each of us makes a mistake, we correct one another, and we file the corrections away in our memories. we laugh and ask answer-less questions like, "why does english use that preposition?! dosh!"

surely the Lord knows me deep love for the german language and has brought a gift right to my apartment in south korea. i am continually amazed by how He knows the deep desires of our hearts and He answers them. thank You, Lord.

lauren's departure last monday has made mine feel all the more imminent. i feel the end of my time coming much sooner, and i am doing my best to make the greatest impact i can in every arena of my life here. this week my kids were really dragging, and it was so hard not to just throw my hands up in despair, but i tried to encourage them instead and tell them what my goals are for their progress during my time here. i think the awareness of my departure helps, somehow.

for those of you who have prayed or are praying for me, thank you. i can feel the effect of them. my heart is more at peace.

^ ^ love, ruth