Going Gluten-Free

It's all the rage these days. Everywhere you go, people reference their diet preferences. One label after another. Organic. Vegetarian. Sugar free. Allergy free (nuts, seafood). Vegan. Lactose free (or dairy free). And now, we've got gluten-free that's begun to "go mainstream"... almost. And for this, I am extremely grateful, because in the past month or so I have made the decision to 'experiment' with going gluten-free. Why in the world would I do that, you ask? Well, here's what I have discovered....

It was almost a year ago that I discovered I had something called Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, which (according to Wikipedia) is is an autoimmune disease in which the thyroid gland is gradually destroyed by a variety of cell and antibody mediated immune processes. Basically, my body turns on itself and attacks the thyroid gland. When it goes undiagnosed for a long period of time, which is often the case, it leads to hypothyroidism and a myriad of health problems. Hypothyroidism is treated relatively easily, usually with hormone replacement therapy (HRT) such as levothyroxine (brand name: Synthroid) or Armour. It is a simple treatment; usually in the form of a pill one must take every day for the rest of one's life. But this solution does seem largely to be a band-aid of sorts, rather than dealing with the root cause. 

So a couple of months ago I was talking with a friend of mine who also has Hashimoto's, and she was telling me that she had decided to switch to a gluten-free diet. I thought she was crazy! But she began to tell me how after switching to gluten-free, her doctor had to reduce her thyroid medications. She also told me that her aunt, a nutritionist, had told her that everyone who has Hashimoto's should get off gluten - period. That got my brain going. I began to do a lot of reading. And that is when I discovered that, apparently, there is a strong connection between gluten intolerance and autoimmune diseases. 

To the best of my understanding, the problem lies in that the body is actually allergic (or hyper-sensitive and unable to digest) gluten, but mistakes the thyroid for it and thus attacks the thyroid instead. A great article by The Healthy Skeptic (thehealthyskeptic.org) says it best here:

What explains the connection? It’s a case of mistaken identity. The molecular structure of gliadin, the protein portion of gluten, closely resembles that of the thyroid gland. When gliadin breaches the protective barrier of the gut, and enters the bloodstream, the immune system tags it for destruction. These antibodies to gliadin also cause the body to attack thyroid tissue. This means if you have [auto-immune thyroid disease (AITD)] and you eat foods containing gluten, your immune system will attack your thyroid.
Even worse, the immune response to gluten can last up to 6 months each time you eat it. This explains why it is critical to eliminate gluten completely from your diet if you have AITD. There’s no “80/20″ rule when it comes to gluten. Being “mostly” gluten-free isn’t going to cut it. If you’re gluten intolerant, you have to be 100% gluten-free to prevent immune destruction of your thyroid.- July 18, 2010 'The gluten-thyroid connection'

 As I continued to read, I found evidence right and left that this diet shift - no matter how drastic - was  at least worth experimenting, even if it was for months. So I decided to give it a 'go. I emailed my doctor to let him know of this diet change, and he seemed eager to find out the results himself. I go in for blood tests next month (April), then mid-May, then again in August to see if the diet shift has made an impact at all on my thyroid levels. So, until then, the jury's out... and I'm busy scanning ingredient lists like you wouldn't believe.

What I've noticed thus far going gluten-free is:

1. Gluten is in a lot of food - mostly processed foods. It takes a lot of discipline to 'go gluten-free'.
2. Eating out is tough. You don't have as much control over what's put in your food when someone else prepares it.
3. A gluten-free diet can be more expensive... but it's probably not half as bad as it used to be.
4. I do miss good bread. And my chocolate-chip cookies. Snif.
5. It's a good thing I like rice! Now I'm adjusting to brown rice... and it's not all that bad.

this too shall pass

the only way it is possible to get through a season sometimes is the knowledge that it will not last forever. isn't that so encouraging? no matter how challenging the situation may be, it is wonderfully encouraging to know that it will end. i guess it would be unfair, however, to ignore the other side: good times must end as well as the hard times. and the Lord is the One who appoints each season's beginning and end.

college was always nice, because struggles would often begin and end with semesters. oh, the stress of exams! balancing lunch dates, bible studies, working out and, oh yeah, schoolwork - it built that wonderful gift called good time management. but the stresses would often end right around may and december and all those cares and worries would dissipate right into wonderful times lounging at home with family.

since college i've noticed that seasons last a little longer than they used to. their start and end dates are a bit more nebulous and entirely dependent upon the Lord. and much of those seasons, i've also noticed, i spend stressing about what exactly the Lord is doing. but the other morning i was reading in ecclesiastes, and i came upon the very well-known passage of Scripture (eccl. 3:1-8):

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

i'm so glad the Lord holds all times and seasons in His hands. but right now, i'm so thankful that spring is the next season. :) happy spring, everyone!

kickboxing and zumba

some days i just don't want to go to the gym. i mean, i love the gym. i love working out. it is actually what keeps me sane when life is so stressful. i love how i feel after a good run. i love lifting weights and feeling that burn. of course, i love the mountains and beautiful weather more..... but what do you do when it's 20° and icy/snowy outside?

i have discovered kickboxing! now, the last time i was in a class for this was a one-time deal in college. it was an hour long and it totally kicked my butt. i walked out of the gym completely doubting my cardio abilities and thoroughly embarrassed with my inability to keep up with the instructor. well, fast-forward six or seven years. i was living in our last apartment, and there were two problems: there was constantly snow and ice on the ground (black ice: dangerous for ruth), and our apartment gym was closed for renovations for several months. what was i going to do?! well, i decided to just look online for some videos. i discovered kickboxing... and so decided to try it. i cleared my living room, told eu-mi to stay away or i might send her flying. 30 minutes later, i was huffing and puffing and thoroughly energized! i loved it!

then, this past week our church started an 8 week zumba class on sunday nights. i decided to try it out. lots of fun! now, it's not quite the work out that kickboxing is, and i make allowances for my complete incompetence when it comes to dance moves. (i have decided that i simply have two left feet.) nonetheless, it is a stress reliever and it's fun just to move around to some fun music! :) at the end of the class, i'll have to let you know what i feel about zumba, though... and if my feet have gotten a little smarter about dancing. heh heh.

honestly, though, i'm getting antsy to get back up in the mountains. just last night jody and i were looking at liners for our sleeping bags and water purifiers for that "fresh-and-clean" mountain water. can't wait to start stuffing things in our packs and to head to some undisclosed location where the only thing i have to worry about is where i am going to get water and what ground is level enough to stick our tent. such stresses sound marvelous right about now!

if you know of any good spots for backpackers, let me know. we're going to start a list of places we want to get to this year.

resting. trusting. moving & not stopping.

I find that the most common question Jody and I are getting as of late is 'How are you doing?' The oh-so-unkind retort jumps up in my throat, 'Well, how do you think we're doing?' but thankfully, I am able to bite those words back and respond sweetly, 'We're hanging in there.' Which, I guess, is true. We're. hanging. on. Sometimes it feels like it's only by a thread. But we are hanging on.

Grief is a nasty thing, I've decided. Sometimes you're actually doing okay, and then BAM, it hits you again. Hurtful words come out. An emotional sob fest. In my case, a fever blister. Of course it would be a fever blister. The inevitable physical manifestation that my body is screaming: YOU ARE STRESSED TO THE MAX.

And it is true. I have been so stressed out, especially in the season that Jody was in Texas and I remained here. The stress of having to "soldier on" while I knew all that was going on with Brad. Then to hear the news that he had passed away. Stressing about stupid things like, "Who's going to watch Eu-mi when I have to go down for the funeral?" (At least now I know when I'm stressed, I worry about insignificant things because they are more manageable than the enormous STRESS monster that is swallowing me whole.) Then the stress of the funeral and the knowledge that nothing will ever be the same again. Ever. There will be a new normal, and until it becomes normal, it's just new. And stressful.

And then, yesterday morning during my quiet time, I read 1 John, chapter 4, verse 18.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

And it hit me. I am afraid. I have given the enemy a foothold in my life about all the uncertain things in my world, and I am afraid.

What jumped out at me the most from this verse was the revelation that if I am afraid, I have not been made perfect in love. I have not allowed the love of God to rule and reign in my life as of late, and the result truly has been 'torment'. In tough times such as now it is a true testing of my faith in the keeping, sustaining love of God for me and for Jody. Brad's passing has honestly been the last straw in a series of stressful life circumstances over the course of the past few years, and we're exhausted. At times I just feel numb. Does God love me? Of course He does. Do I believe it? Some days more than others. Right now? Well, I'm supposed to say 'yes', but honestly I'm just so exhausted I don't know which way is up.

And I've noticed that when I'm exhausted and worn thin, the tendency is for me to stress and no longer operate on the offensive. I become defensive and only in my lucid (translate: non-emotional) moments, I have to tell myself to constantly be on my guard against the terrible 'victim mentality', against the 'woe is me' self-pity attack, and against fear because I am trapped in a situation where I have "lost" control.

As I confess this, I am reminded of a conversation I had with my mom years ago. I had just graduated college and was applying for jobs everywhere. It seemed like no doors were opening, and I was so frustrated, discouraged and confused. Mom, in her wonderful wisdom, told me, 'Ruth, just keep moving. Just don't stop and get stuck in a rut. Keep moving, keep trusting in the Lord, keep praying, and the Lord will make a way.' Oh so simple. And oh so true.

So I am going to keep moving. I'm not going to get stuck in a rut. I will keep trusting the Lord is good. I will keep moving. And I am asking the Lord for the help to fully rest in His love.

Because, honestly, I'm sick and tired already of this fever blister. And of everyone thinking I've got frosting on my lip, staring at me, averting their eyes quickly and then that moment of insecurity where I can totally read their thoughts ('Do I say something? Do I just ignore it?' Ha ha!)... Just FYI: It's Abreva, and it numbs the pain on my lip.

a few pictures....

Brad Been
September 24, 1977 - January 25, 2011


my heart hurts.

Brad

Early, early this past Tuesday morning, January 25, 2011 my wonderful brother-in-law Brad Been went to be with the Lord. Many of you have been praying for our family through this process, and I wanted to thank each and every one of you who have been part of the support network in this time of crisis.

Brad discovered he had colon cancer almost 6 years ago. He beat it and was in remission for several years. The summer of 2009 he discovered, however, that it had returned but had spread to his whole abdominal cavity. He took a risk and decided to apply for a surgery in Pittsburgh. He was approved for it, and he and his wife Lindsey went to Pennsylvania for the surgery in August of 2009. We all thought that he'd beat it again, and though he had to adjust his diet a great deal and seemed a bit more fragile, we were thankful for every chance we had to be with him. Then, this past October 2010, we heard the news that the cancer had returned once again, and that Brad had decided to stop fighting it.

Christmastime was a wonderful time to see him and Lindsey, but we realized that there might not be much time left. Jody decided to see if Denver Seminary would work with him and allow him to do classes long-distance. He got 5 credits approved and after a week of getting things in order, he returned once again to Texas.

I am so thankful that in the few weeks Jody had with Brad, they were able to talk about hard stuff, deal with the finality of death and the importance of surrendering to the Lord despite all the hang-ups we all have about life, suffering and death. In the end, Brad surrendered to the Lord and was able to pass into eternity with his wonderful wife Lindsey and his brother Jody right next to him.

Please continue to pray for all of us as we grieve. I have returned to CO to get back to work, but Jody will remain in TX as long as he feels he needs to.

Love,
Jody and Ruth

A Scare

Before I launch into the story of the week, I thought I would post a video that I discovered about wiener dogs. Apparently I'm not half as bad in my love for dachshunds as some people.... :)

Anyway....

Friday afternoon I came home from work, as usual. Jody came over from the church and we sat down for lunch together. It was the end of another workweek, and that is always cause for celebration. :)

It was then that we noticed that Eu-mi was twisting backwards to check herself. Now, this can mean several things. Sometimes it's an indication that she needs to go outside and go potty. Or sometimes it's an indication that she needs to have her anal glands drained. (Sorry, this may be too much information, but it's true - all the joys of owning a dachshund.) So we decided to let her go outside and take care of business.

However, when we came back inside, we noticed that she was no longer her usual self. She was slow to want to jump up on furniture. She would sit down - almost involuntarily - and her lower back would twitch. She acted as though she in pain, though she didn't cry out, which is how she has usually conveyed pain in the past.

This made us very, very afraid. The reason is, dachshunds are known to struggle with something called Intervertebral Disc Disease, which basically means their backs are known to 'go out' and require surgery that can cost around $3,000. Obviously, Jody and I cannot afford that, so if Eu-mi's back goes out, we'll have to put her down. We didn't expect to have to deal with this so early on, though. Eu-mi just turned 2 years old this week, and dachshunds can live to be 15 plus years.

Anyway, the short version is: we decided to take Eu-mi to the vet. Our vet checked her out, affirmed that she was in pain in her lower back, and that x-rays would be needed to assess the damage. We left her for an hour or more, and of course I just cried in the car.

Though Eu-mi is just a dog, she has weaseled her way into my heart, and I love her so much! She has brought so much laughter and joy into our lives amidst the stresses of seminary, church ministry and health troubles.

We went back to the vet to pick her up to find out relatively good news. Her back had not blown out; she would not need surgery. However, she would need anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxants and crate-rest for about a month. Also, we discovered she was a little overweight at 14 1bs. Fourteen pounds! Holy mackerel! We also realized we'd need to change some things at home. No more crazy jumping off of furniture, twisting to catch toys, and a careful eye on her diet.

So yesterday, Jody decided to build Eu-mi a ramp. Yes! He finished it in one day with some wood from our backyard and leftover carpet from when our carpet was redone in the spring. This was the end result. GOOD WORK, JODY!


Please pray for us and for 'Baby Nation'. She needs to slow down, eat less, rest more, and use her ramp to get on and off the couch. Pray for quick learning!

virginia: the week before thanksgiving, 2010

a few weeks ago i visited my family in virginia. it was wonderful! here are some snapshots from my week there. i...

got to see all of my siblings except chris and sister-in-law courtney. here i am with anna, rebekah, josh and luke (with little jane!).

saw beautiful fall colors, even though it was mid/late november. i love the virginia foliage!

met anna's boyfriend nate. so glad to finally meet him and encouraged in anna's choice in boys. :) he's a keeper, i think!

tried to catch up with anna when she wasn't working (at VIGS), going to school, at youth group, leading FCA at clover hill, doing homework, going to the youth retreat... or sleeping. in short, i grabbed her when i could!

tasted some of rebekah's amazing homemade salsa. VERY IMPRESSIVE, bekah!

got to meet, feed, hold and hang out with beautiful baby jane! what cutie!! SO MUCH FUN!

tried to keep up with rascal, miss 4 year old chloe! i love that little stinker and cannot believe how much she looks like her great-aunt conway and second cousin katherine!

watched the boys as they were up to their usual mischief. i am so glad they're still young enough to hug aunt ruth, though. there were several hugs.

spent quality time with bekah on several occasions. rare, special quality time. so, so thankful for my dear sister. i love you, rebekah!

met and hung out with my new friend, rebekah, who is now the adopted 6th daughter in the clementson family (after courtney). so much fun. LOVE LOVE LOVE her!

went to CNU in newport news, va to see sarah at her college. i also saw her amazing dorm room (AKA palace!), her roomie rachel, who was also a high school friend.

met sarah's boyfriend, justin. loved staying late with him and sarah on saturday night, asking them questions and getting to know justin for the first time and sarah all over again!

got much-needed and updated photos of sarah and me. so, so proud of her and the decisions she is making with her life. LOVE YOU, SARAH!

got great pictures of all of us!

spent ridiculous hours hanging out with rebekah at the house, watching football, looking at her modeling pictures online, having sleepovers, eating food late at night, and just having a grand old time!

hung out with my wonderful brother luke! i am so proud of him, because he has been asked by The Mile High Report, a blog that is run by fans of the Denver Broncos, to be an online commentator! i am so, so proud of luke! to check out his posts, click on the links below. (prepare to be blown away by his statistical geniusness!!)

http://www.milehighreport.com/2010/11/30/1846608/statistical-analysis-what-do-the-numbers-say-about-denver#storyjump

http://www.milehighreport.com/2010/11/26/1835639/break-it-down-st-louis-denver

http://www.milehighreport.com/2010/11/18/1821113/break-it-down-denver-broncos-san-diego-chargers

i am only sad that i was not able to grab pictures with my brother daniel, nor of my good friends lindsey, jacque, melissa and lauren. all in all, though, it was a wonderfully memorable trip, and i am so thankful that jody allowed me to go.

my trip to va

these days i'm having a crisis. and it has everything to do with the word "home". i don't know where mine is anymore, and it causes a bit of consternation when i am telling people about my trip back to virginia. before i went, i wanted to say, "i'm going home!" and then i would invariably second-guess myself and wonder, "is virginia my home still?" or is it now in colorado?

jody says that his home is wherever i am. it's one of the things he says that endears him the most to me, partly because i know he truly means it. and i often tell myself that he's probably right. since leaving home for college at 17, i have lived in 6 places during college (3 places my last semester), 3 places in korea, and 3 places in colorado (not to mention months of living out of boxes in our families' homes in between korea and colorado. that's a lot of moving. i haven't lived anywhere for longer than a year in a decade. and there's no promise of it ending come may when jody graduates. moving has become a way of life for me, and it does get a bit wearisome.

now that i live in colorado, it is tempting for me to idealize the first few years of my life that i spent here in colorado. born in denver, i lived the first 5 years of my life in arvada, about 30-45 minutes away from where i live now. when i look at my baby book and the baby books of my older siblings, i see pictures of us in strollers at the denver zoo, sitting on outhouse potties way up in the mountains, and watching football with all of mom and dad's friends from their college and career group from church. i grew up with a family that faithfully roots for the denver broncos and where it's almost sacrilege to assume that God supports any team but the broncos. :)

and not to forget the mountains. i love the mountains! jody and i just bought our first tent, and we want to use it.... A LOT. we got a cool thermos and coleman camp grill for $12 from the goodwill behind our house, and now we want to car camp and use those amazing finds! we love backpacking, and there are yet so many places i want to visit and things i want to do here in this beautiful state.

but then i think of virginia, and i get all warm and fuzzy inside. i think of sunday park and the hours my siblings and i used to spend there. i think of all my family, of home school, of middle and high school, and of william & mary and the amazing lifelong friends i met during the college season. i miss virginia's trees and the greenery. i even miss the humidity a bit (yep... the cracked heels and nosebleeds do get a bit old).

so as i went back to virginia a few weeks ago to see my family, and the inevitable questions came about where jody and i would be in the next season of our lives, i found myself thinking about what it would be like to move back to virginia. it was almost like trying on an old pair of jeans. do they still fit? have my hips gotten wider? has my butt stayed toned? or is it time to go with a new pair? :) surprisingly, i found that as i mulled over moving back home (should a job be available for jody), the thought was a happy one.

jody has one semester left, and with this 'end date' in sight we are very prayerful about where God is calling us. my heart is open. i am truly content to stay here in colorado and to continue to forge a life for us here. i am content to go back to virginia to be close to my family or to texas to be closer to jody's family. i am preparing myself for the potential of moving to a totally new state where we have no familial connections, and having to create a whole new world for ourselves there (just as we have - to some extent - right here in colorado).

where the Lord leads, i know He will be faithful to lead us, provide for us, and prove Himself mighty in our lives. and i know that wherever He leads me will, i guess, be home.

fall snapshots

this week marked a seasonal shift: it snowed. i don't know why it is a shock to me. last year it snowed mid-october, dumping about 2 feet on the metro-denver area. so the fact that it snowed a measly inch in the middle of november this year almost seems a little late. nonetheless, it marks the end of one season and the beginning of another.

thankfully, jody, eu-mi and i were able to get out and enjoy the fall weather before the leaves all fell and the temperature dropped significantly. we went for a stroll at our favorite open spaces - cherry creek. amidst incredible wealth and some of the largest mansions i've ever seen, there are trails, ponds, and beautiful scenery that helps you forget that you're in the metro area. jody and i love to take the dog and just walk and enjoy the beauty.

i have also been thinking about how the end of 2010 marks 2 full years that jody and i have lived in colorado. it has been a challenging 2 years, for sure, but they have also been good years. years when God has shown Himself faithful to us, taking us deeper in our knowledge of His character and His provision.

this coming week i will be going home for a short visit. as i looked at my vacation time at work, i realized that i have not really taken any vacation time in 2010, and if i do not use it, it will 'go away' with the end of the calendar year. so jody and i looked at our schedules and realized that although there wasn't really a good time for jody to travel, i should go ahead and book a flight back to virginia. i am truly looking forward to this visit, but so sad that this is the second year in a row that i am visiting my family without jo. *sigh*

i will be in virginia from tuesday (16. nov) until monday (22. nov), and if you're there i would LOVE to spend some time with you, catching up. call me on my cell or at the parentals!

sometimes i just have a hankerin'...

for korean nummies! so our spiritual formation group meets on mondays, and here we are! the henkles and us switch every other monday, hosting our group time, and on this occasion jody and i decided to go 'all out' and get a few korean food items at the H-Mart in aurora so that our dinner was completely korean from start to finish. it was so much fun!

we had spicy ramen - complete with the egg and slice of cheese on top, kimchi, kim (seaweed), the yellow radishes, sticky rice, the pounded fish bread (i don't know what it's called exactly) and bean sprouts. we even had the maxim coffee mix and ice cream from korea to wrap up the meal. it was SOOO much fun!

part of the fun is, as always, exposing friends to a new type of food. the ramen is pretty safe, of course, but the side dishes are what provide the greatest mystery to american friends. it's more fun to take a friend to a korean restaurant, but i thought we did a pretty good job! and jesse and rachel seemed to enjoy it all. haha. i am thankful for their willingness to experiment and humor us. :)

having jesse and rachel in our lives has been such a blessing. finding friends, and i mean true 'kindred spirits' has been harder than i'd like to admit in this season. i think part of it is... we're grown ups now, and free time is harder to come by. i think part of it is also that we're in the crunch time of seminary. jody has one more semester after this one, and he is consumed with school assignments and his job at the church. amidst it all, however, the Lord has been so kind to us in providing like-minded friends in jesse and rachel. we are so grateful. i pray that no matter where the Lord takes us, our friendship will last.

Deeply Rooted... and Letting Go...

As I step outside of myself and look at this season in my life, I can see that God is up to something... something big... inside of me.

When Jody and I left Korea two years ago, we launched out in faith, trusting that God had something big for us. We left our jobs, breaking our contracts at our English schools, sending boxes to Virginia and boxes to Texas, telling everyone that Jody was going to Denver Seminary. He hadn't even applied yet!! We said good-bye to our wonderful friends in Korea. We lived with my family in Virginia for 2 months, cleaning out my grandmother's home and catching up with the Clementson family. Then we flew to Texas, where we spent time with the Been family, helped the Andrews' family move and waited for the spring semester to start.

We truly had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. If we had, I'm sure we probably wouldn't have launched out into the unknown. Seminary and life in Colorado has definitely been a journey. It has taken us to three different "homes", drained our hefty bank account of everything (and then some), forced us to our knees, challenged our marriage and forced us to pay more attention to our health than we have ever before.

Jody has physically gotten hurt in the past two years than ever before. First it was his knee, then it was his shoulder, then his finger. Recently it has been his ribs. Why? I have absolutely no idea.

I have also had a myriad of health issues. One has been the discovery of hypothyroidism. Apparently it is something Grandma Etta had, as well as something both Grammy and Grandy struggle with. So, it's genetic. But beyond that, I discovered the type of hypothyroidism that I struggle with is called 'Hashimoto's thyroiditis'. What the heck is that, you ask? Well, it basically means my immune system has turned on my thyroid gland and - not recognizing it - attacks. What is the real kicker is this: since the thyroid is under attack, it is inflamed. Well, there's this nerve called the laryngeal nerve that is wrapped around the thyroid gland, and when the thyroid is inflamed, it pinches that nerve... thus causing chronic laryngitis. Let me tell you, when I found this out, there was much rejoicing. Now I know why I have struggled with this issue for so long. God is truly good. In the midst of the struggle, God is good. I have also discovered that my hormones are all out of whack, which - for a woman - is a VERY big issue. :) It has launched me on a journey of discovery about myself, my body and my faith in God.

Through it all, I feel like the Lord is working in me in the area of control. I think I have a problem with it. I don't like not having control of my life. I have always been a hard worker, and I think I always thought that if I work hard enough, do everything just right, A plus B will always equal C. But it's not always working out that way.

And so, I'm having to let go. I'm having to trust that God is good. I'm having to praise Him and let go and trust that His love is more than enough to sustain me no matter what. It is in times like these that Jesus Culture's song 'Your Love Never Fails' is especially true. I hope it leads you to the throne room like it does for me.

Your Love Never Fails

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good

photoshoot.












compliments of suzanne michelle photography. if you live in the denver-area, let me know, and i'll get you in touch with her. she's brilliant!