.personal renewal in Jesus.
once again the house is quiet, and i can think enough to sit down and write. yesterday was good friday, and tomorrow christians all over the world will celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. i must say that this year has been a different experience than past celebrations of this wonderful holiday. why? you ask... i have been asking myself this very same question, and after much contemplation, i believe the reason i am so thankful for easter, is because i have a new and greater understanding of my own sinfulness.
at our church i have met many people who have come to the Lord later in life. they grew up without a relationship with the Lord, and after making mess after mess, these people came to the Lord with an obvious awareness of their depravity and their incredible need for the Lord. i, however, came to Jesus as a child. this, i have found, is both a privilege and a challenge. the advantage to this kind of upbringing is that i have been walking with the Lord a long time, and i have seen His hand in me and through me over many, many years (though i am still young). the disadvantage is, i have found, that i can often hold my salvation in contempt. i grow callous to my own sin. i rationalize how my sin isn't as bad as others. spiritual pride isn't as bad as lust. condemnation and arrogance aren't as odious as rebellion and stubbornness. and the list could go on and on.
this past year has been a very humbling experience for me, as seminary has strained our finances and my own faith in the Lord's provision. jody and i have had to work on our communication and ask for forgiveness often - more often than i would have ever imagined. neither of us is close to family, and as i've mentioned before, establishing new friendships is hard work and can be frustrating and discouraging. i think through what i've noticed through all of these struggles is that i can no longer make excuses for my own sin. i am less inclined to want to make excuses for it, or give sin a fancier or more spiritual-sounding name. my sin is just downright ugly and it's just as ugly as others' sin.
so i confess that it is with great joy and humility that i come to the Cross and the Tomb this easter... more so than ever before. i NEED the Cross. i see my need greater and great. without it i am hopelessly lost, and i cling to it with gratitude and a changed heart.
truly, i am a sinner, and i serve a great, great Savior. thank You, Lord for being obedient, even to death on the cross (philippians 2,8).
happy resurrection weekend!
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.
Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.
See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?
His dying crimson, like a robe,
Spreads o’er His body on the tree;
Then I am dead to all the globe,
And all the globe is dead to me.
Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
2 comments:
What a striking observation about depravity! While I recall being aware of my own sinfulness as a child, it's true that it's nothing to boast of, and I'm constantly humbled by how God works through those who come to Him as adults. We (Christians) are all miraculously saved, and at the same time all prone to wander.
As I often have difficulty pulling up from the depths of my heart and mind and converting those matters into communicative words, what you said and how you said it hits home with me, too.
Especially, when you used the word 'contempt'. I could recognize some resistance in me that was guarded by reasoning, and I wanted to resist the resisting to my Lord...but I couldn't even define what it was.
I can relate with you, having grown with Christ from my youth, I often wonder these days, what would it have been like for me to have only discovered Jesus Christ only now as an adult? What would my heart of service be like in such case compared to what it is now? But in the end of all my wondering, I see that only surrender to my great and gentle God will bypass and supercede all my weaknesses, hesitations, reservations, and apathies.
It is when I am weakest that I am strongest to Him. Miss you guys.
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